Songs of the Dead
by Glissoning Raven
Summary: Collection of songfics. Not all of them are connected. NEW STORY ARC: 'T is for Treason'. Arc Summery: Following Alex's assassination, Ben begins to question everything he took for granted as he begins to uncover the dark truth that Alex died to find. But not all is as it seems in this dark world of treachery and deception...
1. It's Too Late To Apologize

Title: It's Too Late To Apologize

**Author: Glissoning Raven**

**Song: It's Too Late To Apologize**

**Artist: OneRepublic**

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

_I'm holding on your rope,  
Got me ten feet off the ground  
I'm hearin what you say but I just can't make a sound  
You tell me that you need me  
Then you go and cut me down, but wait  
You tell me that you're sorry  
Didn't think I'd turn around, and say...  
_

Alex Rider lay still on the hospital bed. He was surrounded by machines as he lay there, still and unmoving. Mrs. Jones stood by his bedside. Regret shone in her eyes as she looked down at his still form. This wasn't the Alex she knew. Alex was always active, always doing something. He was never still…until now. Now he lay, still and unmoving, fighting for his life. She regretted sending him on all those missions, blackmailing him, using the only family he had left against him. But it was too late now. What was done was done.

All of a sudden, his eyes fluttered open. She found herself looking into a pair of deep, pain filled, eyes that had seen way too much. Tears came to her eyes.

"I'm sorry Alex." She whispered. He looked at her, his eyes cold and hard.

"Don't you...mean you're sorry...that you won't be...able...to use me...anymore?" He asked softly, his voice shaky and a bit raspy. She shook her head.

"Alex, I truly am sorry." She said, her eyes pleading with him to understand. A small, cold smile flickered across his face.

"It's...a little too...late for that now...isn't it?"

_  
It's too late to apologize, it's too late  
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late_

He was right. It was too late for that. But there was nothing else she could do. She couldn't change the past. She just wished she could change the future.

He was like a son to her. He reminded her of her son that had died so many years ago. She loved him like a son. She just wished he could see that. It hadn't been her choice to use him for those missions. She hadn't wanted to. But she had had no choice.__

I'd take another chance, take a fall  
Take a shot for you  
And I need you like a heart needs a beat  
But it's nothin new  
I loved you with a fire red-  
Now it's turning blue, and you say...  
"Sorry" like the angel heaven let me think was you  
But I'm afraid...  


"I know Alex." She said. "And I'm sorry. I wish I could change what happened." Tear formed in her eyes. "I'm sorry Alex, I really am." Alex's cold gaze didn't change.

"So now...you're playing the...innocent bystander." He said mockingly. "Next...you're going to...say that you had...no choice but...to use me." His voice, though shaky, was filled with hatred. His words stung. It broke her heart to see him like this. He didn't trust them. He didn't trust anybody. But she guessed that it was their own making. They were the ones that had used him. They were the ones who had sent him on all those missions, blackmailed him, and used the only person he trusted against him. They were the ones that had destroyed his life and taken away his childhood.

_It's too late to apologize, it's too late  
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late  
_

Alex looked into her eyes. He could see the pain in them, but he didn't care. After all they had put him through, he didn't trust them. So many people had pretended to care; yet in the end, they had all turned their backs.

"Alex, I wish it didn't have to end this way." She said. A small smile passed over his face. His eyes were filled with sadness.

"Maybe...it's better...this way." He said softly. His words came harder. "Maybe…then…you…will…think…twice…about...blackmailing...another...teenager...into...doing...your...dirty work. Maybe...then...you won't...ruin...anyone else's...life." He looked her strait in strait in the eyes. "At...least...I'll...be free...of...you."

_  
It's too late to apologize, it's too late  
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late  
It's too late to apologize, yeah  
I said it's too late to apologize, yeah-  
I'm holdin on your rope, got me ten feet off the ground...  
_

He lay back on the pillows. His eyes closed for the last time. She watched as the jagged line on the monitor gradually flattened. An alarm went off and doctors and nurses came running. They pushed her out of the way. But it was no use. He was gone. Alex Rider was dead.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

A/N: I know, I already have several stories going, but I couldn't help it. The stupid plot bunny wouldn't go away until I wrote it down. Please review and tell me how you like it.


	2. Hurt

A/N: Hey people! I have decided to continue this. It will get updated randomly because i have a couple of other stories inprogress right now. This will just be a little thing i do on the side. Thank you for reading this. Enjoy!

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

**Title: Hurt **

**Author: Glissoning Raven**

**Genre: Tragedy/Angst**

**Song: Hurt**

**Artist: Christina Aguilera**

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

**Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face  
You told me how proud you were, but I walked away  
If only I knew what I know today  
Ooh, ooh**

Jack stared down at the tombstone. Tears ran down her cheeks. She couldn't believe that this had happened. First Ian, now Alex. The two people she loved most were gone. She didn't think could deal with going home to an empty house. It was just too painful. There were just too many memories. She just wished she could hold him in her arms one last time. She wished she could hear his voice again. But she knew that she would never see him again. He was gone, and he was never coming back.

**I would hold you in my arms**

**I would take the pain away  
Thank you for all you've done  
Forgive all your mistakes  
There's nothing I wouldn't do  
To hear your voice again  
Sometimes I wanna call you  
But I know you won't be there**

Jack remembered what she had said to him just before he left on the mission that would turn out to be his last.

_"Alex, why do you do this? It's not worth it!"_

_"Do you really think I want to do this? I'm doing it for you Jack! If I don't you'll get sent back to America! Is that what you want?"_

_"I just wish you would stop putting yourself in harms way! I'm constantly worrying about you, worrying that what happened to Ian will happen to you!"_

_"Jack, I can take care of myself! It for the best! You just have to trust me on this one."_

_"What would be best is if you would just stop letting MI6 control your life!"_

_"Look Jack, I don't have a choice, alright. I really have to get going now. We can talk about this when I get home."_

That was the last time she had ever seen him alive. She remembered the look on his face as he left that day. It was a look of hurt, and betrayal. She realized how wrong she was after he had left and was going to apologize to him when he got back. But he never made it home. She never got a chance to say she was sorry. She regretted ever saying those words. She wished she could take them back. She wished she had had time to make things right. She just hoped that he somehow knew she hadn't meant those words, that he hadn't died thinking she was really angry at him.

**Ohh I'm sorry for blaming you  
For everything I just couldn't do  
And I've hurt myself by hurting you**

His death had changed her. She was alone now. Part of her dreaded going home to an empty house every day. It held so many memories, both good and bad. Some days she would just sit there, thinking about all the fun times they had had together. She would think about what it was like before Ian's death, before MI6 had gotten their hands on Alex.

**Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit  
Sometimes I just wanna hide 'cause it's you I miss  
And it's so hard to say goodbye  
When it comes to this, oooh**

In her heart, she knew Alex wouldn't want her to spend the rest of her life grieving. He would want her to move on, do something more with her life, and not let the grief destroy her. She tried, she really did. But some days she just felt she couldn't, she was too weighed down by grief. Some days she felt like she couldn't carry on. She felt like it would just be easier to give up. But she tried to move on, for Alex. Because she knew that that's what he would want her to do.

**Would you tell me I was wrong?  
Would you help me understand?  
Are you looking down upon me?  
Are you proud of who I am?  
**

She missed him so much. He had become like a little brother to her. He had been so sweet, so innocent. But MI6 had taken that all away. After they got a hold of him, she was the only one who had truly understood him. She was the only one he had really trusted.

**  
There's nothing I wouldn't do  
To have just one more chance  
To look into your eyes  
And see you looking back**

**Ohh I'm sorry for blaming you  
For everything I just couldn't do  
And I've hurt myself, ohh  
**

At night, she would see the look he had had on his face the last time she had seen him alive, the look of hurt and betrayal. She regretted every word she had said that day, right before he left on his last mission. She wished she could take back her words, but she couldn't. She wished she had had time to make things right before he had died.

**  
If I had just one more day  
I would tell you how much that I've missed you  
Since you've been away  
Ooh, it's dangerous  
It's so out of line  
To try and turn back time**

**  
I'm sorry for blaming you  
For everything I just couldn't do  
And I've hurt myself by hurting you**

She would never forget the boy she had come to love like a brother. She would never forget the young teen who had died for his country. No one else would know what really happened to him. All they would ever know were the lies they were told. They would soon forget the strange boy who had been gone so much. They would soon forget the haunted look he had in his eyes after his uncle's death. But she wouldn't forget him. She would never forget his deep brown eyes that had seen way too much. She would never forget the boy named Alex Rider.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

A/N: If you have any ideas for songs I could use please tell me in a review or just PM me. Please review and tell me how you like it!


	3. What Hurts The Most

A/N: OMG! I got two up in one day! I have another one coming. I will probably have it up by tomorrow. I have given you two updates in one day now (which is quite an accomplishment for me), so I am expecting all you nice little readers out there to give me a lot reviews. You here me? You owe me a least a total of eight reviews (that would be four for each chapter). I will shut up now and let you read the songfic.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

**Title: What Hurts The Most**

**Author: Glissoning Raven**

**Genre: Tragedy**

**Song: What Hurts The Most**

**Artist: ****Rascall Flatts**

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

**I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house  
That don't bother me  
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out  
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while  
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me  
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok  
But that's not what gets me  
**

Eighteen-year-old Alex Rider stared out the window of his home. The sky was overcast and rain poured down outside, creating puddles along the sidewalk. Raindrops pattered on the window and splashed onto the sidewalk below. A single tear rolled down his cheek. It was the three-week anniversary of Jack's death. The house seemed so empty without her.

She had been killed by a car bomb that had been meant for Alex. It had been placed in Alex's car, but Jack's had broken down and she had borrowed his. The car had exploded when she had turned it on. She had died instead of him.

**What hurts the most  
Was being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
And never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was tryin' to do  
**

The guilt he felt was almost too much to bear. He had spent the last four years of his life trying to protect her, to protect her from his world, but in the end, he had failed. He had failed to protect the person he had loved most.

He had loved her like a big sister, like a mother. She had practically raised him. He hadn't wanted her to get mixed up in his world. He had done everything he could to protect her, but it hadn't been enough. She was dead, and it was all because of him. If it weren't for him, she would still be alive.

**It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go  
But I'm doin' It  
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone  
Still Harder  
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret  
But I know if I could do it over  
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart  
That I left unspoken  
**

He knew she wouldn't want her death to hold him back. He knew that she would have gladly given up her life to save him. But that didn't make losing her any easier, or make the weight of the guilt lighter. It didn't make the pain any less or any more bearable.

**What hurts the most  
Is being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
And never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was trying to do**

He knew she would want him to move on. But there were some days that it seemed like it would just be easier to give up. But he kept pushing forward, if not for himself, for Jack. He owed her that much at least. She had supported him even in the toughest of times. She had stayed by his side through everything. Not once during the Scorpia incident had she lost faith in him. She had been at his side ever step of the way. She had always been there for him to lean on when things got though. But now she wasn't. She was gone, and she wasn't coming back. He was all alone in the world, with no one to care for, and no one to love. The only person who had ever understood him was dead. There was no one left that he loved. He had no family, no friends, no one to lean on. He had no one left.

**What hurts the most  
Is being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
And never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was trying to do  
**

**Not seeing that loving you  
That's what I was trying to do  
Ooohhh...**


	4. Author's Note: Explination

A/N: Hey people

A/N: Hey people. I know some of you are kind of confused about the last chapter, so let me explain. It's Too Late To Apologize and Hurt go together. What Hurts The Most does not go with them. It is separate from the first three. I am posting them all together so my profile page does not get cluttered. I will try to specify if which song fics go together in the future. I apologize for the confusion. The next one will also be separate from the first three.


	5. Fade To Black

**A/N: This one is dedicated to AleksandryaGregonovitch. She is the one who suggested this song. She has also been a big help to me with my other Alex Rider story, 'Broken Inside'. So this one is for her. It is not connected to any of the other song fics. It can be read on it's own. Enjoy!**

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

**Title: Fade To Black**

**Author: Glissoning Raven**

**Genre: Tragedy/Angst**

**Song: Fade To Black**

**Artist: Metallica**

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

**Life it seems, will fade away  
Drifting further every day  
Getting lost within myself  
Nothing matters no one else  
I have lost the will to live  
Simply nothing more to give  
There is nothing more for me  
Need the end to set me free**

Alex clung to the edge of the railing. His hands were slippery with blood. He couldn't hold on much longer. He looked at the ground below him. He was ten stories up. He knew that if he fell, there was no chance that he would survive.

"Alex!" He looked up. It was his partner, Silvia. She ran towards him along the balcony. "Hold on Alex! Don't let go!" He felt his hands slipping. He tried to get a better grip, but his left hand slipped off the railing. Now he was only hanging by one hand. He felt his right hand slipping. Silvia reached out her hand and grabbed his hand just before it slipped off the railing. Her eyes were filled with fear. This was only her first mission. She couldn't stand the thought of someone dieing. Alex looked up at her, his eyes filled with sadness.

"Silv." He said, his voice hoarse. "Promise me you won't let them destroy your life like they did mine." Silvia's eyes filled with tears.

"Alex…" Alex cut her off.

"Promise me Silv. Promise me you won't let them use you anymore." He begged her. Tears coursed down Silvia's cheeks, leaving trails in the dirt that covered her face.

"Why? Why Alex?"

**Things are not what they used to be  
Missing one inside of me  
Deathly lost, this cant be real  
Cannot stand this hell I feel  
Emptiness is filling me  
To the point of agony  
Growing darkness taking dawn  
I was me, but now he's gone**

"They destroyed my life. I don't want to see the same happen to you. Promise me you will get away from them. Promise me Silv, promise me." His eyes were pleading with her. A sob caught in Silvia's throat.

"I promise." She whispered. A look of relief crossed Alex's face.

"Thank you." He whispered. "I just don't want you to go through all of this. I don't want another teenager's life destroyed."

"What do you mean Alex?" She whispered. He smiled bitterly.

"They used me, took away my childhood. They blackmailed me into doing their dirty work. They destroyed my life. I can never go back. Even if I quit now, things would never be the same. There would always be someone out there trying to kill me. But you…you have a chance. You still have a chance to go back to your old life. You still have a chance to get out. You still have a chance to be normal again." His words were filled with bitterness. "You still have a chance to live."

**No one but me can save myself, but it's too late  
Now I can't think, think why I should even try**

Silvia looked into his eyes. They were filled with pain, bitterness, and sadness. They had seen so many things that she never wanted to. They had seen way too much.

"Please Alex." She whispered, tears streaming down her face. "Please don't do this." She begged. Alex looked up at her, a sad smile on his face.

"We all have to die some time. Some of us earlier others. There is nothing left for me Silv. There is nothing worth living for. Life just isn't worth living anymore."  
"Please…" She whispered. "Please…"Her voice trailed off in a sob.

"Once this is over, leave this all behind. Forget about me. Forget about MI6. Forget everything that happened. Go back to your life. Go back while you still have a chance." Silvia shook her head.

"I'll never forget you Alex. I will go back to my life, but I will never be able to forget you as long as I live."

**Yesterday seems as though it never existed  
Death greets me warm, now I will just say good-bye**

Alex knew he couldn't hold on much longer. His eyes met hers.

"I'm sorry it had to end this way." He said softly. "I wish it could have ended differently. Good-bye Silv. Good-bye." Silvia looked into his eyes. She knew that she would never see him again. In her heart, she knew that there was nothing she could do to prevent this. Tears coursed down her cheeks. Alex loosened his grip. His hand slipped through hers. Time seemed to slow as their gazes locked for one last time before he fell to his death ten stories below. The life of the world's first teenage spy was finally over. Alex Rider was dead.


	6. Knockin' On Heaven's Door

Come take this badge off of me

**A/N: Once again, AleksandryaGregonovitch was the one that suggested this song. Though I used a slightly different version that I found on the internet that I thought would work a little better for this. This one is not connected to any of the others. **

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

**Title: Knockin' On Heaven's Door**

**Author: Glissoning Raven**

**Genre:**

**Song: Knockin' on Heaven's Door**

**Artist: Bob Dylan**

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

**Come take this badge off of me**

**I won't use it any more.**

**It's getting dark, too dark to see**

**I feel like I'm knocking on Heaven's Door.**

Alex lay on the cold, hard pavement. Pain seared through his body as he lay there. Blood pooled around him. His breathing was labored, and his vision was swimming. He knew he was going to die. There was no one to save him this time. His luck had finally run out.

**Knock, knock, knockin' on Heaven's Door.**

**Knock, knock, knockin' on Heaven's Door.**

**Knock, knock, knockin' on Heaven's Door.**

**Knock, knock, knockin' on Heaven's Door.**

Everyone said he had the luck of the devil. He had survived so many things that would have killed any other person. But he knew that there would come a day when his luck would finally run out, and that day had finally come.

**Come take these guns off of me**

**I won't shoot them anymore.**

**That long black cloud is coming down**

**I feel like I'm knocking on Heaven's Door.**

MI6 would no longer be able to use him. They would have to find someone else to take his place. He hoped they wouldn't use another teenager. He hoped and prayed that they would ruin another teenager's life like they had his.

**Knock, knock, knockin' on Heaven's Door.**

**Knock, knock, knockin' on Heaven's Door.**

**Knock, knock, knockin' on Heaven's Door.**

**Knock, knock, knockin' on Heaven's Door.**

He thought about Jack and everything he would leave behind. He hoped that Jack would be able to move on with her life and not spend the rest of her life grieving for him. After all, he was going to a better place. Somewhere MI6 couldn't reach him. That's what she had always wanted, right?

**Come wipe the blood from my face**

**I can't see through it anymore.**

**I need someone to talk to, and a new hiding place**

**I feel like I'm knocking on Heaven's Door.**

His vision was beginning to fade. Breathing became more difficult. Waves of pain radiated through his body. He knew it was over. There was nothing anybody could do to save him now. He was slowly slipping away.

**Knock, knock, knockin' on Heaven's Door.**

**Knock, knock, knockin' on Heaven's Door.**

**Knock, knock, knockin' on Heaven's Door.**

**Knock, knock, knockin' on Heaven's Door.**

He thought he heard someone calling his name. The voice, it seemed so familiar. Yet he didn't know whom it belonged to. It was the voice a woman. It was a voice he had only ever heard in his dreams. It was a voice he never thought he would hear.

**I can hear that thunder roar**

**Echoin' from God's distant shore.**

**I can hear it callin' for my soul**

**I feel like I'm knocking on Heaven's Door.**

A blond haired woman walked towards him. She was surrounded by mist. She was calling out to him. She held out her arms to him. She seemed so familiar, yet he had never seen her in his life.

**Knock, knock, knockin' on Heaven's Door.**

**Knock, knock, knockin' on Heaven's Door.**

**Knock, knock, knockin' on Heaven's Door.**

**Knock, knock, knockin' on Heaven's Door.**

He found that he was able to get up. For the first time, he noticed he didn't feel any pain. He walked towards the blond haired woman. He felt like he had known her all his life, he felt no fear as she approached him. In fact he felt an overwhelming sense of peace.

**Come wash these tears from my eyes**

**I won't shed them anymore.**

**Sun is setting in western skies**

**I feel like I'm knocking on Heaven's Door.**

A man appeared beside the woman. Once again, Alex felt no fear. He felt like he knew them, from another time, another place. Yet he had never seen them before. The man put his arm around the woman. Ian appeared on the other side of the woman. For the first time, he noticed how alike the two men looked. Ian smiled at him and said three words.

"Welcome home Alex."

**Knock, knock, knockin' on Heaven's Door.**

**Knock, knock, knockin' on Heaven's Door.**

**Knock, knock, knockin' on Heaven's Door.**

**Knock, knock, knockin' on Heaven's Door.**


	7. No Easy Way Out

**A/N: Hey people! I'm back! I know it's been a while, but I have been really busy with my other stories and life in general, so yeah. Anyway, I will let you get on with the fic.**

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

**Title: No Easy Way Out**

**Author: Glissoning Raven**

**Song: No Easy Way Out**

**Artist: Survivor**

**Genre: Tragedy/Angst**

**Rating: T**

**Note: It was written to stand on it's own, but it could go with 'Hurt'. **

**Warning: Blood, torture, angst…don't read if you can't handle it.**

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

**We're not indestructible,  
Baby better get that straight.  
I think it's unbelieveable,  
How you give into the hands of fate.  
Some things are worth fighting for,  
some feelings never die.  
I'm not asking for another chance,  
I just wanna know why.  
**

Indestructible. That's what some people had called him. Unstoppable. He had to laugh at that. No one is indestructible, or unstoppable. Everyone can be stopped. Everyone can be destroyed. No one is immortal, not even him. He knew that some day someone would bring him down. It was inevitable. It came with the job. He had accepted that. Part of him, deep inside, was almost glad.

This "job" of his wasn't easy, god only knew. So many times, he was forced to watch people die, innocent people. So many times he was forced to take lives. Even though the people he killed were evil, they were still someone's son, daughter, father, mother, sister, or brother. There was someone out there that loved them, at one point or another. He couldn't forget that. Someone, somewhere, would morn for them, no matter how evil they were. He couldn't keep doing this forever. He had to stop some time.

**(chorus)  
There's no easy way out,  
There's no shortcut home.  
There's no easy way out,  
Giving in can't be wrong.**

Alex lay on the cold floor of the cell. His whole body was wracked with pain. Blood trickled down his face from the gash on his forehead. He wanted to wipe it away, but moving was just too painful. His vision was blurry as he lay there on the cold floor.

He heard someone move behind him, though he didn't move to try and see who it was. It didn't matter. He knew what was coming. A strangled cry escaped his lips as a foot connected with his already bruised and beaten body. Again and again, the blows just didn't stop. He curled himself up in a ball in a futile attempt to protect himself, but it was no use. The blows just kept coming. Blackness threatened to overwhelm him. He fought it back struggling to cling to the last threads of consciousness, but it was a losing battle.

**I don't wanna pasify you,  
I don't wanna drag you down.  
But I'm feeling like a prisoner,  
Like a stranger in a no-name town.  
I see all the angry faces,  
Afraid that could be you and me.  
Talking about what might have been,  
Thinking about what it used to be.**

Five years. Five years since this night mare had all began. Five years since Ian had died and he had been dragged into all of this. Had it really been that long? It seemed like a life-time ago that he had been normal, Alex Rider, the schoolboy, not Alex Rider, the spy.

It had been a little over four years since he had first fallen in with Scorpia. Scorpia. He winced at the memory. He had tried to forget about that. But dear old Scorpia was determined not to let it go.

_Scorpia never forgets. Scorpia never forgives._

Wasn't that so true. That was why he was here in the first place. Revenge. Scorpia needed revenge. They had not taken kindly to being humiliated, much less by a child. Twice he had taken them down. Twice he had humiliated them to the world. Both times had been not only a blow to their reputation, but also a major blow to their pride, something they had a lot of. He had been running from them ever since, but they had finally caught up with him. And this time, there was no way out.

**(chorus)  
There's no easy way out,  
There's no shortcut home.  
There's no easy way out,  
Giving in can't be wrong.**

Alex's screams echoed through the cold, empty halls. He was alone with his torturer. The only man to hear his cries was the man behind the pain. The man took pleasure in his pain, after all, that was his job, it was what he had been trained to do. His orders had been to make Alex Rider pay for what he had done, and he was all too happy to do so.

The man's eyes glinted with madness as he landed blow upon blow upon the broken body of his helpless victim. Every scream fueled his desire for more, more screams, more pain, more, more. An insane cackle escaped his lips as he looked down at the bloodied, beaten, form of the young spy. He stopped the constant rain of blows upon his body and crouched down beside him.

"You sealed your fate when you betrayed Scorpia, _Alex Rider_. You will die, just like your father before you, only your death will be longer, and more painful. Yes. Scorpia never forgets. Scorpia never forgives."

**Baby, baby we can shed this skin,  
We can know how we feel inside.  
Instead of going down an endless road,  
Not knowing if we're dead or alive.  
Some things are worth fighting for,  
some feelings never die.  
I'm not asking for another chance,  
I just wanna know why.**

Why? Why me? That was the question he had been asking for the past five years. Why? Such a simple question, but it had no answer. Why? Because he was the best choice, because he was good at it, because he was his father's son. So many people said so many things, gave so many excuses. Yet none of them satisfied him. They had used him, abused him, blackmailed him, and in a sense, they had killed him. Okay, maybe they hadn't technically killed him. But if it weren't for them he would be living a normal life, like a normal boy. He would be worrying about girls, school, homework, and sports instead of snipers, kidnappers, bombs, and terrorists. It was their fault he was there. It was their fault he was going to die. Yes, they truly had killed him, and they didn't care about him, they only cared about what he could do, how they could use him.

His death would be an inconvenience to them, yes, but not a tragedy. They would pay for a funeral, say "I'm sorry for your loss" in their cold, uncaring way, and go find someone else's life to screw up. He was just another face, another file, another tool. One thing he was not to them, was another person.

**(chorus)  
There's no easy way out,  
There's no shortcut home.  
There's no easy way out,  
givin in, givin in, can't be wrong.**

The pain consumed his whole being. He had long since stopped trying to fight back. He had long since stopped struggling. There was nothing he could do, no way he could stop them. He had know since the minute he had been brought here, that he would die here. After five years of struggling to survive in a world where he didn't belong, this is where it ended, alone at the hands of his enemies. He was half a world away from the place he called home. He had never even gotten to say goodbye.

A single tear slipped down his cheek as he lay there, battered and broken on the cold, unforgiving concrete. His vision began to fade as he let the blackness he had been fighting off for so long engulf him. Three words escaped his dry, cracked lips. Three words were whispered into the unforgiving blackness, three words that would never reach the ears of the one they were intended for.

"I'm sorry Jack."

**(chorus)  
There's no easy way out,  
There's no shortcut home.  
There's no easy way out,  
givin in, givin in, can't be wrong**

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

**A/N: Please review and tell me what you think! (That little blue button at the bottom of the page is just screaming your name.) =P**


	8. Learn to Fly

**Title: ****Learn to Fly**

**Author: Glissoning Raven**

**Genre: Hurt Comfort/Friendship**

**Song: ****Learn to Fly **

**Artist: ****Foo Fighters**

**Note: There is not much about actual character death in this piece. It mainly deals with the aftermath of Snakehead and Ash's betrayal. AU after Snakehead. **

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Alex could feel the hard concrete beneath him and the cool metal of the rifle in his hands. He lay on the fourth story of an unfinished building, hidden by the lengthening shadows. The air was still. People strolled along the streets below, unaware of what was about to happen. Everything was perfect. Everything was right.

Alex peered down the scope of the rifle in his hands. He saw a black car pull up in front of the building across the street.

**Run and tell all of the angels  
This could take all night  
Think I need a devil to help me  
Get things right  
**

Two body guards stepped out of the car, scanning the area for danger. Their eyes passed over his current position. But they didn't see him. One man opened the door to the car. Alex steadied his breathing and shifted his grip on the gun. He only had one chance at this. He blocked out everything around him, everything but his target.

A tall, plain man dressed in a crisp black suit stepped out of the car. He smoothed down a non-existent wrinkle on his shirt. The man looked around briefly. Alex could have sworn he looked right at him. He pulled the trigger.

**Hook me up a new revolution  
Cause this one is a lie  
We sat around laughing  
And watch the last one die  
**

The man fell, a neat red hole centered between his eyes. The shot had been silenced by the silencer on Alex's rifle. The guards looked around frantically, trying to locate the sniper.

Alex stowed the rifle in a black duffle bag and tossed it over the edge of the balcony around the back of the building onto the pile of sand below. He removed his black jacket and loose, black pants, revealing a red t-shirt and kaki shorts. He tossed the black clothing over the railing. They too would be collected and disposed of. With that done, he ran down three flights of steps and slipped out the back of the building. From there he headed towards the main street. He slipped between screaming throngs of people. No one paid him any mind. To everyone there he looked like your average boy. To everyone there he didn't look like an assassin.

**I'm looking to the sky to save me  
Looking for a sign of life  
Looking for something help me burn out bright  
**

Two hours later found Alex standing on the balcony connected to his hotel room. He watched the sun set over the city, staining the sky as red as blood. A light breeze toyed with his hair. He thought of the man he had killed just two hours previously.

_He deserved to die. _ He thought. _He killed so many people. I was doing the world a favor. _But a small part of his mind kept calling himself a murderer. That rebellious little part of him said he wasn't any better than that man was.

He kept telling himself that he was better than that man. He only killed those who deserved it, didn't he? He had been telling himself that ever since he completed his first assassination a year and a half ago. But he didn't know if he really believed that anymore.

He remembered how he had always told himself that he would never kill anyone in cold blood. He remembered the first time he had felt that feeling of power, the first time he had taken the life of someone he didn't even know. He shivered as he thought about his missions since then. For the first time he really stopped to think about how many people he had killed.

"What have I become?" he whispered softly to himself. But there was no one to answer him. The night was silent and still, offering up nothing but darkness.

**I'm looking for complications  
Looking cause I'm tired of lying  
Make my way back home  
When I learn to fly high  
**

What _had_ he become? A cold-hearted killer, a thoughtless murderer? Had he become one of the very people he hated so much? Who was he now? _What_ was he now? These questions tumbled through his troubled mind.

Part of being an assassin is the ability to set aside your emotions and do whatever it takes to get the job done. There was no room for grief or remorse. If you can't separate yourself from your emotions, then you don't belong in the business. He had been suppressed his emotions for so long, it was like he didn't even know how to feel anymore.

**Think I'm done nursing the patience  
I can wait one night  
I'd give it all away  
If you give me one last try**

When he looked back, he realized that it hadn't all started the day he made his first kill. No, it started months earlier with the events of Dragon Nine, followed by Jack's assassination. What had happened with Ash had shaken him to the core, more than he cared to admit. But it was Jack's murder, he realized, that had thrown him over the edge. It was like that little part inside of him, the part that felt emotion, the part that had kept him sane for so long, had died along with Jack. Scorpia had killed her in revenge. They knew she was the only thing he had left. They thought that if he lost her, he would break. And he had, but not in the way they had intended. Now he cared about nothing but revenge.

**We live happily ever trapped  
If you just save my life  
Run and tell the angels  
That everything is all right  
**

After Jack's assassination, MI6 no longer had any hold over him. He had managed to get his hands on several sets of false papers. He had laid a fake paper trail to lead them in the wrong direction. Alex Rider had disappeared without a trace. That had been over a year and a half ago.

He had used many names over the past year and a half. He had assumed so many false identities that he had lost track of the number. He had become so many different people, but not one of them had been Alex Rider. He had changed so much in such a short time. He had had to become so many people, that he had begun to lose all sense of himself. Of all the names he had ever had, Alex Rider seemed to be the most foreign to him. He began to wonder who he really was.

**I'm looking to the sky to save me  
Looking for a sign of life  
Looking for something help me burn out bright**

He turned and made his way to the bedroom. His work here was done. It was time to move on. He thought of where he would go. It had been so long since he had had a real vacation. Maybe he would go to Paraguay, or maybe Bolivia, somewhere nice and remote, somewhere where he could put his troubles aside and start over. He wanted to go somewhere where he could settle down and live out the rest of his days in peace. But before he finally settled down, he had one more thing he had to do.

**I'm looking for complications  
Looking cause I'm tired of trying  
Make my way back home  
When I learn to fly high**

**Make my way back home  
When I learn to fly  
**

Three days later found him standing in front of his uncle's house. It lay abandoned and desolate. The windows were dark and the flowers out front were withered and dry. Jack had loved those flowers. She had watered them faithfully, every day. When he had left they had been in full bloom, a glorious rainbow of color.

He tore his eyes away from the flowers and looked at the house itself. It hadn't change a bit. He remembered standing in this very spot almost a year and a half before. He had never thought he would see this place again. Slowly, he approached the front door. He reached up and removed a chain from around his neck. A single key dangled from it. It was the only thing he had left of his old life, the only thing he had dared to keep. He slowly put it in the lock and turned it. The lock clicked softly. His hand automatically went to draw his gun. He turned the knob and slowly opened door, almost afraid of what he might find.

**Bridge****  
Fly along with me  
I can't quite make it alone  
Try to make this life my own**

Closing the door, he looked around. Everything looked exactly like he had left it. It was almost like he had never left. He walked down the hall, his footsteps echoing in the eerie silence. He paused slightly before turning to go up the stairs to the second floor.

He paused in the doorway of Jack's room. The bed was neatly made and a pair of her shoes still sat in the corner. He swallowed a lump in his throat. He slowly crossed the room to the bed. He hadn't set foot in her room even once since her death.

But as he moved across the room, he caught a glimpse of his reflection in the mirror that hung in his bedroom. His hair had been died an inconspicuous shade of brown and he wore colored contacts that made his eyes look more of a hazel color. He barely even recognized himself. The dark, haunted look of one who had seen far too much still lingered in his eyes, making him look ten years older than he really was. He stared at his reflection for several minutes. He had changed so much since then. The reflection in the mirror wasn't Alex Rider. It was someone else entirely, a stranger he barely even recognized.

**Fly along with me  
I can't quite make it alone  
Try to make this life my own**

He reluctantly tore his gaze away from the mirror. He slowly walked over to the bed. His eyes were drawn to the photo on the nightstand. It was a photo of their little family before Ian died and Alex had been dragged into his uncle's world. Alex, Jack, and Ian were standing on the beach, arms around each other. They were happy, something Alex hadn't been since his uncle's death almost three years ago. He slowly sank to the ground, leaning back against the bed. He laid his gun down on the floor beside him. A single tear traced down his cheek. It was the first time he had let himself cry since Jack died.

He heard soft footsteps in the hallway, but he didn't move. It stood to reason that MI6 had had the house watched just in case he chose to return. The footsteps stopped in the doorway. He didn't even look up. The man didn't say anything. It was Alex who finally broke the silence.

"So did they tell you to kill me or to bring me in alive?" he asked softly, never taking his eyes off the picture he held in his hands.

"They would prefer you alive." said a familiar voice.

**I'm looking to the sky to save me  
Looking for a sign of life  
Looking for something help me burn out bright**

Alex glanced up. Ben stood in the doorway, gun drawn and pointing at Alex.

"You came all this way just for me, I'm flattered." Alex said sarcastically.

"Why?" Ben asked softly.

"Why what?" asked Alex.

"Why did you come back? Surely you knew we would be watching the place."

Alex looked back down at the picture in his hands.

"I just wanted to see this place one more time before I left." he said softly.

"Where are you going?"

"I don't know. Somewhere remote and isolated. Somewhere where I can start over."

"Where have you been for the last year and a half?"

Alex paused a moment before answering.

"I was tying up some loose ends."

"Those Scorpia board members that have been mysteriously dying, was that you?"

A heavy silence hung between for a moment.

"It's ironic. They're the very ones that taught me to kill so efficiently." Alex smiled bitterly, a smile that didn't reach his haunted eyes. "Scorpia never forgets or forgives…and neither do I."

**I'm looking for complications  
Looking 'cause I'm tired of trying  
Make my way back home  
When I learn to fly high**

"What happened to you Alex?" Ben demanded. Alex stared down at the photo in his hands.

"Jack was the closest thing I ever had to a mother. And after Ian died…she was the only one who understood me. She was there for me when no one else was." he felt a lump rising in his throat. "After the mission in Australia, Scorpia wanted revenge…so they came after Jack."

"Why'd you just up and disappear?"

"You and I both know MI6 wouldn't have done anything about them…so I had to. I couldn't have MI6 interfering."

Ben slowly lowered his gun.

"You don't have to do everything by yourself." he said quietly.

Alex met the man's gaze for the first time.

"Yes," he said softly. "I do."

**I'm looking to the sky to save me  
Looking for a sign of life  
Looking for something help me burn out bright**

"Are you going to come quietly?" asked Ben.

Alex gazed calmly at his former teammate.

"What are you going to do if I don't, shoot me?"

Ben stared at him silently for a moment. Finally, he sighed. To Alex's surprise, Ben slowly holstered his gun.

"No." he said quietly.

Confusion entered the teen's eyes. He stood up and replaced the photo on the night stand.

"So, you're going to let me go?" Alex asked, shocked.

"What they did to you was wrong." Ben said softly. "If you go back now, they'll never let you escape their clutches again. I won't be the one responsible for delivering you to them."

Alex stood in stunned silence.

"Why?" he demanded finally.

"You're a good kid, Alex. You've been through more than many men twice your age will ever experience in their entire lives. You deserve some peace."

Alex could barely believe his ears. He could see the sincerity in the man's eyes. He had had no idea that Ben had cared that much.

**I'm looking for complications  
Looking 'cause I'm tired of trying  
Make my way back home  
When I learn to fly high**

"What are you going to tell them?" Alex asked curiously.

Ben shrugged.

"I'll think of something."

"Thank you." Alex said sincerely. "I won't forget this."

He moved towards the door. Ben stepped back out of his way, looking at the teen sadly.

The Alex Rider that stood before him was not the Alex Rider he remembered so well. But in that moment, Ben only saw a tired teenage boy who had seen way too much in his short life, not a cold-hearted killer who had just finished taking down the world's largest and most dangerous crime organization.

Alex moved down the hall towards the stairs.

"Take care of yourself Alex." Ben called after him.

The teen turn back to face him one last time.

"You too Ben." he replied sincerely, before turning around and walking away from the only friend he had ever had in MI6 for the last time.

Alex disappeared down the stairs and out the back door, leaving Ben alone in the silence of the empty house.

**Make my way back home  
When I learn to fly**

**Make my way back home  
When I learn to, learn to, learn to fly**


	9. My Immortal

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! =P

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

**Title: My Immortal**

**Author: Glissoning Raven**

**Genre: Hurt Comfort/Tragedy**

**Song: My Immortal**

**Artist: Evanescence**

**Note: This is a companion piece to No Easy Way Out.**

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

It was 4:30 in the afternoon and Jack was scrubbing the kitchen counters for the fifteenth time. It had been two days since Alex had disappeared. There had been no warning. He simply didn't come home from school one day. She had called his school, his friends, and even the bank, but no one knew where he was. The bank had told her that they would look into it. The next day, when she had called again, they had said that they were doing everything they could, that everything would be alright.

She tried not to worry. He would make it back, he always did. But she couldn't shake off the feeling that something was terribly wrong.

**I'm so tired of being here  
Suppressed by all my childish fears  
And if you have to leave  
I wish that you would just leave  
'Cause your presence still lingers here  
And it won't leave me alone  
**

So many times she had sat here at home wondering if her boy was okay. So many times she had waited anxiously for that dreaded call that never came. So many times she had paced this kitchen waiting and worrying, not knowing where he was. But this time, this time seemed different. This time it wasn't a mission. This time he wasn't supposed to be gone. This time something was very wrong.

She tried to tell herself that everything would be okay, that this was all just a misunderstanding. She imagined him walking through the front door, a carefree smile on his face, unhurt, and so wonderfully alive. But, every time she stopped to glance hopefully at the front door, it stayed stubbornly closed

**These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase  
**

The silence of the house was shattered by the shrill ringing of the phone. She froze for a moment, staring at the phone in disbelief. They had never called her. She had always called them. This must mean there was news. A sense of dread washed over her. A hundred different scenarios flashed through her head, but ninety-nine of them all ended in one horrifying thought; Alex was dead.

She slowly reached out with a shaking hand to pick up the phone.

"Hello?" she said softly.

_"Miss Starbright, this is Mrs. Jones from the Royal and General Bank."_

"Have you found Alex? Where is he? What…"

_"Miss Starbright," _interrupted Mrs. Jones.

Jack immediately quieted.

_"We found Alex. But…"_ the woman paused.

"But, what?" Jack demanded.

_"When we got there he was in very bad shape. We did everything we could for him, but he was just too far gone. I'm sorry."_

**When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me  
**

"No." Jack whispered, stumbling backwards and grabbing the edge of the counter for support.

"No…"

She felt her grip loosen on the phone as she slid down to the floor with her back against the cabinets. It felt like her entire world had gone spinning out of control.

She had never been one to cry at the least little thing. But she cried now. A tidal wave of tears streamed freely down her cheeks as her shoulders shook with heart-breaking sobs.

"No…" she gasped. "No…"

He couldn't be gone. This was just a sick joke, a misunderstanding. He wasn't dead, he couldn't be. Her Alex couldn't be dead.

**You used to captivate me  
By your resonating light  
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind  
Your face it haunts  
My once pleasant dreams  
Your voice it chased away  
All the sanity in me  
**

Why? That was the one thought pounding through her head. Why him? Why now? It was probably revenge for a past mission. This was all MI6's fault. If they had protected him properly, if they hadn't even used him in the first place, none of this would have happened. It was all their fault. Everything that had happened in the past five years was their fault. The pain, the disappearances, that injuries, the bad grades in school, it was all their fault. But they didn't care. Alex had only ever been a tool to them, not another human being, not a child, just a tool.

They didn't care about him, they never had. They only ever cared about how they could use him. He had never wanted to work for them, but they had used Jack against him, used her to blackmail him into doing what they wanted him to do.

**These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase  
**

She remembered the first day she had spent in the Rider household. She had loved little Alex immediately. He had only been seven at the time. He had been mature beyond his years even then, but he had still been so innocent and sweet. They had had seven years of happy memories together after that.

Even though Ian had never been around for important events like birthdays and Christmas, Jack had always tried to make it so that Alex had had as normal a life as possible. She had practically raised the boy, desperately trying to make up for everything Ian wasn't. It had still hurt Alex when Ian broke his promises and disappeared for weeks on end, but she had seen in his eyes that he was grateful to her for trying to make up for it.

But that had all come to a screeching halt after Ian was killed and Alex was recruited into MI6. That innocent light in his serious brown eyes had quickly disappeared.

**When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me  
**

After the first mission, the nightmares had started. He would wake up screaming at night. She didn't know what he saw that scared him so much, but she had tried to comfort him all the same.

He had always been so strong. He never talked about what he had seen on all those horrible missions. When she asked him how he was holding up, he would always tell her that he was fine. He had tried so hard not to worry her. He had been so much more concerned about her than he had ever been about himself.

**I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
But though you're still with me  
I've been alone all along  
**

He had tried so hard to protect her from his world. But it should have been the other way around. She was his guardian. She was supposed to protect him fro the world, but she couldn't. She felt like she had failed him. Maybe, if she had just protected him better, if she had just done something to stop this, maybe then he would still be alive, living a normal life. Maybe, if she had just done her job, none of this would have ever happened.

**When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me**

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

**A/N: I am taking requests for songs at the moment. I will try to fulfill all requests if possible. **


	10. You Know My Name

**A/N: I am so so so so so so sorry I've been AWOL from fanfiction for these past two years. No reason I can come up with could ever excuse my absence, so I won't even try. =) This particular songfic is my personal favorite so far that I suddenly thought up out of nowhere. Consider it a peace offering and please don't kill me? *puppy eyes***

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

**Title: You Know My Name**

**Author: Glissoning Raven**

**Genre: Tragedy/Angst  
**

**Song: You Know My Name **

**Artist: Chris Cornell**

**Note: Major AU. This is written to stand alone. This one brings in another character that I haven't killed…I mean…used yet. Enjoy!**

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

**If you take a life  
Do you know what you'll give?  
Odds are you won't like what it is.  
**

*Bang* *Bang* *Bang*

Three perfect shots. Three round holes clustered together in the center of the target's chest. The man's eyes were wide with horror as he slowly crumpled to the ground. The last sight he would ever see would be the gleaming Desert Eagle and the merciless brown eyes behind it. The last words he heard were the ones the man spoke into the radio.

"Target Number Eight eliminated. Continuing sweep."

**When the storm arrives  
Would you be seen with me?  
By the merciless eyes I've deceived  
**

K-Unit heard the shots echo through the corridors and heard the message over the radio. The voice was hard and cold, remorseless. None of them wanted to admit that the man on the other end of the radio scared them. What scared them even more was he was barely even an adult. He was only nineteen, nineteen going on forty, as Fox said.

"Let's move!" Wolf barked gruffly, breaking the tension.

The unit cautiously moved out into the corridor, gunning down anyone in their path. Everyone was a target. They were on a mission; take down what was left of Scorpia. After years after being at war with the organization, the group had finally crumbled. Now they were here to clean out the last stronghold the organization held. Their orders were to take no prisoners. Wolf didn't know how he felt about that and neither did his men. But there was one man on the mission who seemed to have no qualms about the slaughter and that's what scared Wolf the most.

**I've seen angels fall from blinding heights  
But you yourself are nothing so divine  
Just next in line  
**

Alex moved soundlessly down the concrete corridor. His grip on the gun never wavered. His steps never faulted. Blood flecked his black shirt and pants, but he paid it no mind. It was part of the job. His fluid movements were sure and calm. Gunshots echoed in the distance. Reports of two more enemies down flowed in, but he paid them no mind. He was on a mission. He was here for one person. He had never told anyone why he had requested this assignment. They had assumed it was revenge, closure. He let them assume.

**Arm yourself because no one else here will save you  
The odds will betray you  
And I will replace you  
You can't deny the prize it may never fulfill you  
It longs to kill you  
Are you willing to die?  
The coldest blood runs through my veins  
You know my name  
**

He kicked the door at the end of the hall open with ease, bringing his favorite Desert Eagle up with practiced ease. The room was empty except for one woman standing at the far end staring out the tiny window that overlooked the narrow Venice street below. She had her back turned towards the door. She stood with her hands clasped behind her back, completely relaxed.

Silenced reigned for several moments before the woman spoke.

"You came," she said simply.

Alex paused before answering.

"Of course I came," he said coldly.

The woman turned to face him, blue eyes meeting brown.

"It's good to see you again, Alex."

**If you come inside  
Things will not be the same  
When you return to my eyes  
**

The relief on the woman's face was real, but it only sparked anger in the eyes of her old friend.

"Traitor!" Alex spat. "How could you?"

A shadow flickered across the woman's face.

"You were dead, Alex. I blamed them. I wanted to do everything in my power to make them pay." she trailed off, shrugging helplessly.

"By joining the organization I hated even more?" Alex hissed.

Something flashed briefly in the woman's eyes.

"You were one of them once," she said softly.

Alex stiffened.

"That was a long time ago and it was a mistake!" he snapped. "I came to my senses and have worked to bring them down ever since! You _knew _that!"

The woman simply looked sad.

"A mistake? Perhaps. But we're all young and foolish once. I was _grieving_, Alex, for _you_."

"That's a reason," Alex said, lowering his voice. "Not an excuse."

**And if you think you've won  
You never saw me change  
The game that we have been playing  
**

K-Unit barged into the room at the end of the corridor, only to find Alex face to face with one of the terrorists. Why he hadn't shot her yet, they didn't know, but something in his posture forbade them from interfering.

The woman at the other end of the room looked sad and worn. She couldn't have been much older than Alex, but her worn expression made her look at least fifty.

"What happened to us, Alex?" she whispered softly. "How did we get here?"

"_You _betrayed your country," Alex spat.

A spark of anger reentered the woman's eyes once more.

"Or maybe my country betrayed me first, by taking you from me."

Alex flinched. K-Unit looked between Alex and the woman on the other side of the room, trying to figure out what was going on.

"So you're just going to blame everyone else for your own mistakes?" Alex sneered.

"I've made mistakes, Alex. We all have. Hell, I know I've screwed up big time, but that doesn't change anything between us in the end, does it?"

Alex's eyes were cold. His mouth was set in a grim line, determination in every line of his body.

"At least my mistakes don't slaughter thousands of innocent people," he snarled.

The woman's eyes darkened.

"That was…regrettable. But your government forced our hand."

Alex paused for a moment.

"They really have gotten to you, haven't they, shoved all their petty lies down your throat, made you believe you were fighting for the right side, the good cause? Well, let me tell you this, it doesn't work. It only ends in tragedy for everyone. Give it up."

The woman looked sad and worn once more.

"You know I can't, Alex. I'm in too deep. You and I both know how this has to end."

**I've seen diamonds cut through harder men  
Then you yourself but if you must pretend  
You may meet your end  
**

Alex stared at her for a moment.

"So, that's it? You're just giving up?" he demanded.

The woman sighed.

"I've seen the end coming for a while now. I knew it was inevitable, especially once I found out you were alive and leading the fight against us. I knew it was only a matter of time."

"Why?" Alex asked softly, his grip shifting ever so slightly on his gun. "Just tell me why."

"What makes a good person?" the woman asked suddenly.

"Killing Scorpia agents," Alex answered promptly.

A shadow of a smile flickered over the woman face.

"I believe a good person is one who fights for a cause they believe, one who fights for their friends and will do anything to try and save them," the woman said sadly.

Alex smirked.

"Are you trying to convince me that _you _are a good person? I think all the families you've destroyed, all the orphans you've made would disagree. You are nothing but a murderer."

"What make a murderer?" the woman shot back.

**Arm yourself because no one else here will save you  
The odds will betray you  
And I will replace you  
You can't deny the prize it may never fulfill you  
It longs to kill you  
Are you willing to die?  
The coldest blood runs through my veins  
**

Alex hesitated slightly at that.

"You kill people simply because it suits you," he said finally.

"And you don't?"

That threw him. But the woman wasn't done.

"You're government assassinates anyone who gets in their way. They slaughter us," she gestured at the building around them for emphasis and everyone tensed at the sudden movement. "Just because we are in the way. We oppose their views, so we must die."

"You are terrorists," Alex retorted.

The woman raised an eyebrow at that.

"And what make one organization terrorists on another organization the upstanding government?"

"You murder people and bomb innocents just to make a point."

"You murder people. I know for a fact that you've blown up buildings _with _people in them on more than one occasion. Does that make you a terrorist? Or just a loyal soldier?" the woman challenged.

"I only kill those who are evil and I never blow up innocent people," Alex snapped.

The spy really didn't like the direction this conversation was headed in. His mind was screaming for him to pull the trigger and be done with it, but some tiny part of him made him pause.

The woman laughed.

"No one is innocent, Alex. I've had to learn that the hard way. Everyone has the potential for evil."

"The potential, maybe," Alex admitted. "But not everyone lives up to that potential. There are good people in this world."

But his eyes betrayed him. He didn't believe it. He had stopped seeing the good in humanity a long time ago. The woman saw it too.

**Try to hide your hand  
Forget how to feel (forget how to feel)  
Life is gone  
With just a spin of the wheel (spin of the wheel)  
**

The woman laughed again.

"Why do you lie to yourself, Alex? You don't really believe that. You see, you and I we aren't that different. We both see the truth in humanity, the evil. This world is corrupt. It needs to change."

Alex almost laughed this time.

"And you really though Scorpia could do that? You're delusional. We are nothing alike."

"Scorpia may have fallen, Alex, but make no mistake, someone else will rise to take our place. And you and I, we are so much more alike than you want to admit. We're both killers, murderers. It makes no difference who we work for. Murder is murder."

Alex's eyes hardened.

"You're wrong! I am loyal to my country! You are a murdering coward!" he hissed.

The woman looked like he had slapped her. She suddenly looked like she had aged forty years.

"Alex, what happened to us?" she whispered. "We used to be so close, so happy. How did we get here?"

Things had come full circle. Alex felt something in him start to give.

"I don't know, Sabina, I don't know,"

**Arm yourself because no one else here will save you  
The odds will betray you  
And I will replace you  
You can't deny the prize it may never fulfill you  
It longs to kill you  
Are you willing to die?  
The coldest blood runs through my veins  
You know my name (you know my name)  
**

Sabina took a step towards Alex who immediately stiffened. She smiled sadly.

"You know I always loved you," she whispered.

Alex could only look at her, the words he couldn't say stuck in his throat. K-Unit could only watch in fascination at the strange exchange in front of them. Finally, Alex managed to speak, though he could only manage two words and they weren't the right ones.

"I know."

Tears glistened in Sabina's crystal blue eyes.

"We're more alike than you like to admit," she repeated softly.

Alex's eyes hardened.

"No, I'm nothing like you."

Brown eyes met blue, separated by the shiny black metal of the Desert Eagle. All it took was the twitch of a finger. He didn't hear the bang or feel the recoil. He only saw her crystal blue eyes widen slightly, a look of triumph lingering there. Her eyes said it all.

_We're just the same._

Blood blossomed like a crimson flower across her white shirt. Three shots dead center, perfectly grouped, just like he was trained to do. Another perfect kill. Another job well done. So why didn't it feel like a victory?

As he looked down at the body lying at his feet, he reflected on things he had forced himself to forget for so long. His parents were gone. Ian was gone. Jack was gone. Tom was gone. Sabina was now gone, dead at his hands. This job, this life, it was all he had. Everything and everyone else had left him. He told himself he was fighting for them. But was he really? Or was he fighting because he didn't know how to do anything else?

In the end, it didn't really matter. This was his life now. This was who he was.

As he looked down at her body, he said five words that cost him far more than they should have.

"I am a loyal soldier."

As he turned and walked away, Alex felt another piece of himself die.

**You know my name (you know my name)  
You know my name**

**You know my name  
You know my name**

K-Unit could only watch in grim horror as their youngest teammate left them standing there with the body of the girl. They had no idea who she was, but as she died, they saw something within Alex die as well. The man who walked out of that room that day was not the same man who walked in and he certainly wasn't the boy they had met five years before.

The Alex Rider they knew died that day in that room with Sabina Pleasure leaving only the empty shell of a man behind.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

**A/N: Sorry for those Sabina fans out there. I never did like her. I couldn't help but make her go dark side. Hehe. =)**


	11. Time of Dying

**A/N: Aww. Thanks for all the lovely reviews! Especially those who haven't given up on me from before I...ahem...went AWOL! I love you guys! *hugs* I knew there was a reason I came back. =)**

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

**Title: Time of Dying**

**Author: Glissoning Raven**

**Song: Time of Dying**

**Artist: Three Days Grace**

**Genre: Tragedy/Angst**

**Rating: T**

**Note: This is completely unconnected to any of the others. For Bookdancer. Enjoy!**

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

He could hear his pursuers closing in behind him. Sweat ran down his face in rivulets. His breathing was short and raspy. He clutched the flash drive like a life-line. The cool plastic dug into the palm of his hand. He rounded the corner of the building. Just a few more seconds and he would be free. Just a few more seconds, that's all he needed. He heard several shots somewhere behind him. He stumbled as a burning pain seared through his abdomen.

**On the ground I lay  
Motionless in pain  
I can see my life flashing before my eyes  
Did I fall asleep?  
Is this all a dream  
Wake me up, I'm living a nightmare  
**

He stumbled two bullets found their marks, one in his side and one in his shoulder. He gasped in pain, but forced himself to keep running. He had to make it. He couldn't fail, not now, not after all he'd gone through just to obtain the files.

His steps faltered. He pressed a hand over the wound in his side, trying to staunch the flow of blood. He gripped to flash drive even tighter. _Just a few more meters._ He thought desperately. He could barely run anymore. His vision started to go fuzzy. He was losing too much blood. _No! Just a few more meters!_

**I will not die (I will not die)  
I will survive  
**

He stumbled, falling to his knees. He desperately tried to get back on his feet, but his legs just wouldn't obey. He managed to drag himself a few more feet. His breath came in ragged gasps. The world tilted around him as he desperately tried to fight off the blackness that threatened to overtake him.

He faintly heard renewed yelling and a volley of gunshots. He fully expected to feel the searing pain of more bullets entering his broken body. But the pain never came. He barely noticed the footsteps approaching him. He felt strong hands roll him over.

**I will not die, I'll wait here for you  
I feel alive, when you're beside me  
I will not die, I'll wait here for you  
In my time of dying  
**

The first thing he felt was pain, lots of pain. He groaned as something jostled him. He opened his eyes a crack. A man was bent over him. His face was blurry and it took a few moment for the recognition to sink in.

"Ben…" Alex croaked out.

"Hang on, Alex. We're going to get you out of here."

Alex used the last of his failing strength to grab the man's wrist.

"Mission…Blunt…hurry…" he gasped, shakily pressed the flash drive into the older man's hand.

"Alex. Alex!" Ben said urgently, gently slapping the side of his face. "Hey, stay with me, buddy."

But Alex was already slipping into unconsciousness.

**On this bed I lay  
Losing everything  
I can see my life passing me by  
Was it all too much  
Or just not enough  
Wake me up, I'm living a nightmare  
**

Ben and two other soldier managed to get Alex and a stretcher while the rest of the strike team provide cover fire and engaged the enemy. Ben shoved the flash drive into his pocket without a second thought. His first concern was getting the young agent out alive.

The three men made a break for the edge of the compound trying not to jostle their wounded passenger too much. No one questioned what a teenage boy was doing in the middle of a gunfight or how the senior agent on the operation seemed to know him.

**I will not die (I will not die)  
I will survive  
**

It was the jostling of the army jeep speeding over uneven dirt roads that jolted Alex back into consciousness. The world was a haze of pain as one of the soldiers tried to tend his wounds. Blood crusted the front of his shirt and still seeped sluggishly from his wounds. His involuntary cry of pain alerted the occupants of the car that he was conscious. Ben's worried face loomed into view.

"Alex, just hang in there. We're going to get you to a hospital," his voice held a false note of reassurance that did little to mask his worry.

"B…Ben…" Alex gasped out.

"Don't talk," Ben snapped. "Save your energy."

But Alex refused to listen.

"Flash…drive…" he choked out.

"I've got it, kid," the older agent reassured him. "It's right here."

A look a relief washed over the teenager's face, though was quickly shattered as the jeep hit a rut, jostling him and causing him to cry out in pain.

"Get…it…to…Blunt…" he hissed through the pain, gripping Ben's arm with surprising strength. "Promise…"

Ben studied him for a moment before answering.

"I promise."

Relief spread over the teen's face once more.

"Thanks…" was all he could get out before the darkness of unconsciousness claimed him once more.

**I will not die, I'll wait here for you  
I feel alive, when you're beside me  
I will not die, I'll wait here for you  
In my time of dying  
**

Ben studied the boy that lay bleeding in his arms. He looked so young. He couldn't be more than sixteen. But his eyes, those eyes has seen so much, far more than most men would ever see in their lifetime. Up until now, Alex had always seemed so strong, so independent, so grown up. Yet here he was; broken, bleeding, and probably dying. Like this he looked like the child he was.

Ben's eyes darkened as he took the small plastic device from his pocket. This was what it was all about; a flash drive. Alex was dying over a little flash drive. The man had the sudden urge to chuck the cursed thing under the truck and let it be smashed to bits for all it had obviously done to Alex. But he had made Alex a promise that he would deliver it safely to the higher ups and Ben Daniels was nothing if not a man of his word. He couldn't help but wonder what was on it that was so important that Alex would be willing to give his life for the thing.

He looked down at the unconscious form in his arms. Then and there he made another promise, both to the boy and to himself.

"You will not die."

**I will not die, I'll wait here for you  
I feel alive, when you're beside me  
I will not die, I'll wait here for you  
In my time of dying**

Three miles; that's how far it was to the base. Never had three miles seemed so long as when Alex's life now hung by a thread that was growing thinner by the minute. Ben did all he could to stop the bleeding, but he feared that there were internal injuries. All he could do was yell at the driver to 'step on it' and pray to whatever deity might be listening that the boy could just hold on for a few more minutes.

As Alex's pulse grew weaker, Ben's curses grew louder.

"Damn it, Alex! Stay with me!" he yelled. "Just a little bit further!"

Alex's eyes struggled open. Ben couldn't help but grin in relief. He was going to be alright, he had to be.

"Tell…Jack…" Alex trailed off, coughing up a pool of blood.

"Tell Jack what?" Ben asked patiently, trying to hide his worry.

"Tell…Jack…'m…sorry…" he gasped out, lips stained with crimson blood.

"Alex, you can tell Jack yourself," Ben reassured him.

The boy painfully shook his head. They both saw the truth lingering in his haunted brown eyes.

"Just…don't…tell…her…how…" he choked out.

They both understood. Jack could never deal with the truth of how he died. It would break her. Ben didn't even try to reassure him this time. Reality was sinking in.

Alex spoke once more. His strength was failing, but he knew he had to get the words out, for everyone's sake.

"It's…not…your…fault…Thanks…for…everything…" he managed to force a small smile and, for the first time in years it reached his eyes.

They both knew he didn't just mean this mission. Ben's heart shattered.

"I will get the flash drive to Blunt, Alex. Even if it's the last thing I do," Ben swore to him.

The look of gratitude in the boy's eyes was more than enough. But those sad brown eyes quickly slid closed, causing Ben to curse once more.

"Come on, Alex! Stay with me!"

But it was not use. His wounds were too deep, he had bled too much, and the base just wasn't close enough.

Alex's chest rose fell, getting slower and more ragged each time. Ben counted each one.

One...two...three...four...five...

Ben searched for number six. He waited for the slow, painful rise and fall of the boy's crimson chest that screamed he was still alive. He waited for the breath that never came.

**I will not die, I'll wait here for you  
I will not die, when you're beside me  
I will not die, I'll wait here for you  
In my time of dying**

No one would ever know what had happened. His schoolmates would be told he had been killed in a car accident, though they would whisper that it had been a gang shooting. Tom and Sabina would suspect the truth, but they would never know. Eventually, they would move on with their lives, though they would never forget the strange boy who had so radically changed their lives.

Jack; she would be told a bunch half-truths and half-lies, never quite knowing which was which. She would be heart broken, but eventually, she too would heal, though she, like Tom and Sabina would never forget the brown-eye teen-aged spy who had changed her life so much.

Ben would never quite get over what happened that day. Those serious brown eyes would haunt his nightmares for years to come. His anger at MI6 would cause him to quite his job and return to SAS and rejoin K-Unit, though he would never admit to anyone, not even his unit, that that's why he left.

The world would move on, leaving an unknown hero's friends to grieve in silence. They would never know the truth about the boy they owed so much to. He would simply fade away, another Forgotten Soldier, lost in the depth of time.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

**A/N: I am actually thinking about doing a series of connected songfics centered mostly around Ben with some Alex, Jack, and maybe K-Unit thrown in some of them. Of course it would be the usual death, tragedy, angst, etc. What do you all think? I personally like the idea of exploring Ben's character little more. =)**


	12. Marionette 1st in 'T is for Treason' Arc

**Title: M****arionette (1****st**** in 'T is for Treason' Arc)**

**Author: Glissoning Raven**

**Song: ****How to Save a Life**

**Artist: ****The Fray**

**Genre: Tragedy/Angst**

**Rating: T**

**Note:**** Major AU. This is the first in a story arc centered around Ben. The arc is titled 'T is for Treason'.**

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

The warehouse was dark. Stacks of boxes provided an impossible maze and a myriad of hiding places. Ben growled in frustration. He signaled for the assault team to split up. They were under strict orders not to confront the target if they located him first. Ben was the only one who would be able to get close him. The agent raised his gun and cautiously entered the maze.

Ben's steps were sure and steady as he tread softly through the dusty maze, but his heart was going a mile-a-minute, his mind was racing with possibilities. He didn't want to believe what he had been told, but the evidence was there, staring starkly back at him, screaming the truth that he tried so hard not to believe.

He was shaken out of his thoughts as he reached the other side of the narrow warehouse. He found a door standing partially open leading into what seemed to be an empty room. He slowly eased it open, alert for any surprises.

Ben scanned the room. At first he missed the figure in the corner, but he caught the telltale glint of cold steel out of the corner of his eyes, spinning around just in time to see the young man emerge from the shadows. Ben froze.

"Alex," he hissed, eyes narrowing.

"Hey, Ben," Alex's smile was strained. "We need to talk."

**Step one you say we need to talk  
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk  
He smiles politely back at you  
You stare politely right on through  
Some sort of window to your right  
As he goes left and you stay right  
Between the lines of fear and blame  
You begin to wonder why you came  
**

"Why," Ben demanded. "Why did you do it?"

Alex tensed.

"I didn't do anything but my job, Ben. I did exactly what they told me to," Alex said coolly.

Ben snorted in disbelief.

"They have _evidence_, Alex. How do you explain that?" he snapped.

"Of course they do," Alex laughed sardonically. "They had to make sure their angles were covered, make sure their figure prints weren't anywhere near it. It's all fabricated, I assure you."

"So, you're saying you didn't do it?" Ben demanded.

Alex frowned.

"No, Ben, I'm saying I did it…on Blunt's orders," he said softly.

The older agent scoffed.

"So you're telling me that they sent you on some kind of solo mission to assassinate some oil tycoon without your partner and without anyone else in the agency knowing about it?"

"They said it was the definition of top secret. They said they couldn't get more than one agent in which why I was going in alone. I was stupid enough to believe them. I should have at least suspected that it was some kind of set up," Alex said bitterly.

"Alex," Ben chided. "I wish you would just tell me the truth."

**Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life  
**

Ben thought he saw a flicker of betrayal in the boy's eyes. It pierced his heart more than anything that had happened so far, more than Alex's betrayal, more than being given the kill order.

"I am telling you the truth, Ben," Alex said desperately, his serious brown eyes begging for his partner to believe him.

Those were eyes that had seen so much in their short life, eyes that should have been innocent and full of life, but were instead dark and brooding. Ben tried to convince himself that this was not the same boy he had met five years ago, that he had changed so much that he couldn't even recognize him, and, in some ways, it might even be true. But then Ben looked into those eyes that were so familiar, those eyes begging, pleading for him to understand and he knew that nothing had really changed. He felt guilt rising within him, but he pressed it down. He was a soldier. His country came first.

"I wish I could believe you, Alex," he said, a hint a hurt bleeding through his gruff exterior.

His hurt was mirrored in those brown eyes staring back at him.

"Me too, Ben, me too."

**Let him know that you know best  
Cause after all you do know best  
Try to slip past his defense  
Without granting innocence  
Lay down a list of what is wrong  
The things you've told him all along  
And pray to God he hears you  
And pray to God he hears you  
**

It was Alex who finally broke the uncomfortable silence that had fallen.

"What happened to you, Ben?" he asked softly.

Ben snorted in disbelief.

"I could ask the same of you. I never took you for a traitor," Ben retorted.

He immediately regretted his words as he saw the look of hurt and betrayal that his partner, no, ex-partner, he corrected himself, tried so hard to hide. He hadn't meant it to come out so harshly, but it was too late to take it back now.

"I'm not a traitor. I simply outlived my usefulness and now MI6 is looking for a way to get rid of me," Alex said bitterly.

"They wouldn't do that to one of their own agents," Ben said.

Alex shook his head.

"You see them as the guardian angels watching over the country. I see them for the evil they really are. We're expendable to them, nothing more than tools, to be used then thrown away," Alex laughed sardonically. "People join up thinking they can make a career out of it then retire and live to ripe old age, have grandkids, and all that other crap. The truth is, in this kind of life, if your enemies don't get you, sooner or later your allies will."

**Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life  
**

Ben could only stare at Alex in disbelief. How could he say things like that? Did he really believe all that? Did he really believe that the entire world was out to get him, including his own country?

Alex studied Ben for a few moments before speaking again.

"You're too good for this life, Ben. Don't let it destroy you like it destroyed me. Get out while you still can. Go back to SAS or something, just _get out_ before you end up dead like me."

That shook Ben out of his stupor.

"Alex, it's not too late to fix this! You're not dead yet!" he insisted.

Alex shook his head sadly.

"I'm a dead man walking and we both know it. It's only a matter of time."

**As he begins to raise his voice  
You lower yours and grant him one last choice  
Drive until you lose the road  
Or break with the ones you've followed  
He will do one of two things  
He will admit to everything  
Or he'll say he's just not the same  
And you'll begin to wonder why you came  
**

The anger began to return again.

"And whose fault is that?" Ben demanded.

Alex winced.

"You think I wanted this?" Alex retorted, his frustration bubbling over. "You think I wanted to work for MI6? All I ever wanted was a normal life! The only reason I ever started working for them in the first place was because of…because of Jack."

He trailed off and his anger seemed to fade at the mention of his guardian.

"I was protecting her from them. They threatened to deport her if I didn't do what they wanted," he shrugged, shoulders slightly hunched.

The pain was now clear on his face.

"I gave everything, Ben," he whispered. "I risked my life time and again for this country and now look what I get for it."

**Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life  
**

What was left of Ben's already shattered heart broke as any anger he harbored against the boy faded in an instant. As he looked at Alex, he didn't see MI6's former top agent and the man who had saved the world countless times. Instead, he saw a hurt, grieving, scared, boy who just wanted nothing more than for someone to care. But, most of all, he saw someone who had lost all hope. He didn't know when that had changed. Maybe Alex had given up a long time ago, but Ben just had been too busy to see it or maybe he had seen it but he just hadn't wanted to admit it.

Ben knew one thing for sure; hope was what kept people going in their line of work. Once you lost hope, you had nothing to live for anymore, nothing to come home for.

"Alex," Ben said softly, lowering his gun slightly. "You can't give up, not now, you've got your entire life ahead of you."

Alex sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"I used to think so too, but now '6 wants me dead too. I can't keep running forever. It's over, Ben. I just wanted a chance to explain. You deserve to know the truth. And…and I wanted a chance to say goodbye."

**Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life  
How to save a life  
How to save a life  
**

Alex avoided looking him in the eyes.

"I'm sorry you had to get caught up in this," Alex said, true sorrow coloring his voice.

Ben's grip on his gun loosened slightly.

"Alex, why do you think you have to do everything alone?" Ben asked softly. "You should have some to me sooner. You know I would have helped you."

Alex shook his head.

"There was nothing you could have done. All that would have done would have gotten you killed too."

The older man's heart softened. The kid was trying to protect him, even if it cost him his own life.

"Alex, why?" Ben asked again, but there was no accusation this time.

Alex met his eyes again, his desperation clear.

"You and Jack are the closest things to family I have left. I couldn't loose either of you too."

Ben noticed that he was talking in past tense, like he was already dead. Then again, maybe he was.

"I have evidence that '6 is trying to kill me. The truth is there," Alex said, pausing before continuing. "Tell Jack...tell Jack I'm sorry."

He stepped forward, closing the distance between them, holding out a tiny black flash drive in the palm of his hand.

**Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life  
**

One step is all it took. Ben was on one side of the window, Alex was on the other. To get to Ben, he had to cross the gap.

One step, one flash. Ben didn't have time to cry out a warning. There was the sound of shattering glass as silver rain clattered down around them. There wasn't even a bang, they must have used a silencer.

Alex dropped like a marionette that had had its strings cut, a perfect hole perched on his forehead, staring mockingly back at Ben.

His brown eyes were still open. They weren't wide with shock. They weren't horrified. They almost looked relieved.

Ben could hear the other agents yelling in the distance. He stood frozen for a moment, staring numbly at the blood pooling around his partner's head.

Suddenly, his eyes lit on the piece of black plastic still clutched in Alex's dead hand. That snapped him out of his trance. He swooped down and snatched it up, stashing in his pocket just as the other agents burst through the door.

He barely managed to school his features into an expression into one of indifference in time to face them. He turned on his heel and strode from the room without a word. His last glimpse of his partner was Alex lying in a pool of his own blood, haunted brown eyes staring off into oblivion. Ben's hand tightened unconsciously around the tiny piece of truth hidden in his pocket as he turned and forced himself to walk away, leaving his partner behind. With every step he took, another piece of him died.

_Goodbye, Alex. _He thought sadly.

**Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life  
How to save a life**

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o**  
**

**A/N: This is the start of Ben's tragic decent into darkness and his desperate search for truth. Please review and tell me what you think. **

**NEXT IN THE 'T IS FOR TREASON' ARC: Ben has to break the news of Alex's death to Jack while dealing with his own feelings of guilt.**


	13. Duty 2nd in 'T is for Treason' Arc

**Title: ****Duty**** (****2nd**** in 'T is for Treason' Arc)**

**Author: Glissoning Raven**

**Song: ****Jane, I Still Feel the Same**

**Artist: ****Matthew Ryan**

**Genre: Hurt/Comfort/Angst**

**Rating: T**

**Note:**** Sequel to 'Marionette' and second in the 'T is for Treason' arc, which is an arc centered around Ben. This one includes Jack. I will be experimenting with flashbacks in this one. The **_italics_** are the flashbacks. No slash, only friendship.**

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

The doorbell rang, echoing through the silence of the house. Ben stood stiffly on the porch. He had been dreading this moment ever since the warehouse: the moment he would have to face Jack.

The house looked so cheerful; its white walls gleamed, its green shutters framed windows that were cleaned to perfection and flowers filled the boxes lining the window sills. Everything was so happy, so bright, so colorful, so wrong. His eyes snapped down to his feet. He just couldn't look at it all anymore. It just felt so wrong being here without him.

Ben heard footsteps pounding down the stairs on the other side of the door. He swallowed hard. He couldn't do this. He shouldn't be here. But he had made a promise to his dying partner. Despite everything that had happened between them, he would honor that last promise, no matter what.

The door in front of him jerked open to reveal a frazzled, yet happy red-haired American woman. Her faced dropped slightly when she saw who it was. It was as if she had been expecting someone else.

Ben's eyes met hers and he suddenly found himself at a loss for words.

"Where's Alex?" Jack asked.

**You wore my shirt  
Beside the ocean  
Your eyes were serious  
The air was blue  
And I've relived  
That simple notion  
When you're young  
Does it make it any less true?  
**

Ben tried to swallow the lump in his throat. He tried to utter the words that would shatter her world forever, but he just couldn't. All he could manage was her name.

"Jack…"

But that was all she needed. The look in his eyes, the tone of his voice, they screamed the words he just couldn't say.

"No," she whispered, backing up slowly, shaking her head. "No, no, no!"

A few steps into the house her legs gave out as the tears began to fall and sobs wracked her body. Ben felt himself step forward and smoothly catch her, though he couldn't remember consciously doing it. He slowly slid to the ground with her until he was kneeling and she was hanging off of him sobbing.

She clutched him like a lifeline. He gingerly wrapped an arm around her in a half hug and slowly began rubbing soothing circles in her back.

"I'm so sorry," he finally managed to choke out. "I'm so sorry."

It was all he could do not to break down into tears himself, but he couldn't. He had to stay strong for Jack and for Alex.

As he sat there, rocking Jack back and forth, murmuring in her ear, he couldn't help but remember another time and another place with another person.

**Cause I still feel the same  
You were a good thing  
You were a good thing  
In a world gone wrong  
**

_"No…no…help…please…no…help!" Alex cried._

_ "Alex, hey Al, its just a dream, buddy. Its just a nightmare." Ben said, trying to shake him out of it._

_ Alex suddenly lashed out, catching him with a fist on the jaw as he shot up gasping._

_ "Hey, hey," Ben soothed, ignoring his smarting face. "It's alright. It's over now."_

_ It pained him to see Alex like this, so scared and vulnerable. This wasn't the tough, independent Alex he knew._

_ "I'm fine," the teen assured him shakily._

_ The boy didn't seem to notice that he was clinging to Ben like a child. Then again, he was just a child. He acted so much like an adult that Ben sometimes forgot how old he really was. He really was just a boy._

_ "It's alright, Alex," he reassured him._

_ Suddenly, the teen seemed to notice that he was clinging to his older friend. He jumped back and blushed, clearly embarrassed by his moment of weakness._

_ "Sorry," Alex mumbled._

_ "That's alright," Ben said gently. "Do you want to talk about it?"_

_ The teenage spy resolutely shook his head and turned away. Ben frown slightly, but Ben didn't push. He knew that Alex had just been through quite 0an ordeal._

_ "I'm fine," Alex insisted._

_ Ben could see the lie lingering in his haunted brown eyes, but he resolved not to push it._

_ "Alright Alex, but I'm here if you need me, even if you need someone to talk to. I'll always be here, you know that," Ben promised._

_ Alex nodded. Ben sighed. Seeing that the boy just wanted to be left alone and not knowing what else to do, he turned and left, closing the door softly behind him. _

**All the cars on the boulevard  
I watch their tail lights disappear  
And all the days that I've been sleeping through  
Awake to remind me  
that you're still... not... here  
And you'll never be again  
You were a good thing  
You were a good thing  
In a world gone wrong  
**

Ben found himself drawn back to the present where he held a sobbing Jack, just like he had once held a terrified Alex through the nightmares brought on by particularly dangerous mission just two years before. Alex hadn't wanted to go home because he had been tortured severely during the course of the mission and he knew if he went home and Jack saw the damage it would break her heart and he couldn't do that to her, so he had stayed with Ben for a week or so until the worst of the bruising and swelling had gone away.

Now, two years later, here Ben was, holding a sobbing Jack. Alex's death had broken Jack's heart and Ben was left to pick up the pieces. If only she knew that it had been their own government that had murdered him. If only she knew that the very people Alex had worked for for so long had, in the end, betrayed him.

He resolved then and there that she would never know that the boy she had loved had died branded as a traitor, not a hero, that he had had died at the hands of the ones who were supposed to protect him. He vowed that she would only know what Alex would have wanted her to believe: that he had died doing the right thing.

Ben unconsciously pulled Jack's sobbing form a little closer.

"It's okay," he whispered. "Everything's going to be alright."

It was a lie, but it was one that she needed to hear, one that Alex would have told her, one that Alex himself had told her many times before. Alex was gone and could no longer protect her, but Ben was here, so he would have to. It was his duty to his partner.

**It's been 4 years  
It feels like a hundred  
Another world  
A lifetime ago  
I'm living on Jupiter  
I couldn't feel stupider  
But I know,  
What I know  
**

"How?" Jack whispered into his shirt between sobs.

Ben paused. How much should he tell her?

"It was a sniper," he said finally.

That, at least, was the truth if not the whole truth.

Jack's breath caught in her throat.

"Who?" she choked out.

Who: the question he so dearly wished she hadn't asked. What was he supposed to tell her?

"I...I don't know,"

The lie stuck in his throat, but he couldn't tell her the truth. She could never know.

"He died doing what was right," Ben said softly, rubbing her back comfortingly. "He was a hero."

There was silence for several moments. It seemed to stretch on for eternity. Finally, Jack spoke.

"Were you…were you there?" she asked softly.

Ben fought back the rage and grief that welled within him.

"Yes," he said finally. "I tried to save him…"

He trailed off helplessly.

"I'm sure you did your best," Jack choked out.

It was her turn to try and comfort him now.

"Ever since the beginning, you've always been there for him. Thank you," Jack pulled away far enough to give him a tiny, watery smile.

Five years; that's how long it had been since he had met Alex. They had met first at Brecon Beacons then all those months later on a mission. That had been the start of their partnership and their promise to always watch each other's backs. Ben had kept that promise for four and a half years, up until the time when Alex needed it most. He had failed his partner. He had failed his duty.

**I still feel the same  
You were a good thing  
You were a good thing  
In a world gone wrong  
**

Ben helped Jack up off the floor and into the kitchen where he made her some tea. She gratefully sipped the beverage, staring off into space. Ben respected her need for silence, taking his own tea and sitting down at the table across from her.

Ben could feel the weight of the tiny piece of plastic truth in his pocket, the truth that Alex had died for.

He put his hand in his pocket, curling it tightly into a fist around the flash drive. Then and there, in that cold kitchen, sitting across from a tearful Jack he made his dead partner one last promise.

_I will find the truth, Alex. Even if it's the last thing I do. Your death will not be in vain and I will keep Jack safe for you no matter what it takes. I will not fail you again._

**I still feel the same…**

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

**A/N: I know, Jack is supposed to be dead, but I do have an explanation. Just bear with me.**

**NEXT IN THE 'T IS FOR TREASON' ARC: Ben has to find someone break the encryption on the drive and he is forced to confront more ghosts from his past.**


	14. Haunted 3rd in 'T is for Treason' Arc

**A/N: Alright, I really need you guys to give your opinion here. Should Ben leave MI6, return to SAS, rejoin K Unit, and enlist their help, do all that but not enlist their help and then have MI6 turn K Unit against him, stay with MI6 but still enlist K Unit's help, or stay with MI6 and not contact K Unit at all? There is a poll up on my profile. PLEASE VOTE! I NEED INPUT! I CAN'T DECIDE! *puppy eyes* A virtual cookie to everyone who votes!  
**

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

**Title: ****Haunted**** (****3rd**** in 'T is for Treason' Arc)**

**Author: Glissoning Raven**

**Song: It's All Over**

**Artist: Three Days Grace**

**Genre: Hurt/Comfort/Angst**

**Rating: T (?)**

**Note: Sequel to 'Duty' ****and third in the 'T is for Treason' arc, which is an arc centered around Ben****. ****The **_italics_** are the flashbacks. No slash, only friendship.**

**WARNING: Major depression, references to alcohol, and minor swearing.**

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

The hidden bell above the door to Jake's Computer Store rang gently as Ben entered. Jake himself popped up from behind the counter to see who it was.

"Hello, welcome to…" the young man trailed off, his cheerful demeanor suddenly gone as he saw who it was, or at least who he thought it was.

"Hello, Jake," Ben greeted coolly.

Jake gulped.

"Hey, Marcus," he said nervously.

Being a spy really did have its perks. You picked up so many contacts and identities along the way, though sometimes it was hard to keep them all straight.

"You still owe me that favor from Paraguay," Ben growled.

Jake nodded slowly.

"I've come to collect," Ben said, placing the flash drive on the counter. "All you have to do is decrypt this drive. You have twelve hours."

**Your bottles' almost empty  
You know this can't go on  
Because of you my mind is always racing  
The needles' breaking your skin  
The scar is sinking in  
And now your trip begins but  
It's all over for  
It's all over for  
**

Truth. That's what Alex had died for; the truth, a tiny little piece of plastic that was supposed to prove his innocence, prove the truth about MI6. That little flash drive was supposed to hold all of MI6's dirty little secrets. If it did, it could potentially bring them down. That was a sobering thought. Could one little piece of plastic really be so dangerous? It came from Alex, so the answer was probably 'yes'.

Ben sat on his couch, staring off into nothing. The drive had been his partner's dying gift. Alex had thought he had enough on MI6 to prove his innocence and do some damage. Maybe they believed it too. Maybe that's why they took him out. But what could he have gotten on them that was so dirty? What ever it was, all the pieces formed a trail that lead to only one place; the truth.

The truth: an almost foreign concept to someone like him. He was a spy. His entire life was built around lies and deception. Truth was nearly nonexistent in his world. There were only half-truths, lies of omission, and outright boldfaced lies. There was no such thing as pure truth. Yet, somehow, through all the shadows, deceit, and spy games, Alex had somehow managed to dig up some small sliver of truth from amongst the lies and, if the word of a rouge spy was anything to go by, he had uncovered a particularly dangerous sliver.

**You  
For you  
When you're on the edge and falling off  
It's all over for you  
For you  
When you're on the edge and falling off  
It's all over  
**

Ben eyed the mostly empty bottle of beer that sat just six inches away. God, he had not signed up for this. His life was supposed to be simple. He was supposed to get a mission, complete it, and move on to his next assignment. He wasn't supposed to get caught up in all this taking down the government crap. He reached over and snagged the bottle, finishing off the contents in a few short gulps.

He couldn't help but remember when he had first met Alex at Brecon Beacons. Wolf and the others had treated him like crap. As much as he was ashamed to admit it, even Ben had called him double-oh-nothing a time or two. They had done everything they could to make his life a living hell. How Alex had ever trusted him again, Ben never had been able to figure that out. He hadn't deserved Alex's trust.

His mind flashed back to the events of Dragon Nine when he had murdered Alex's godfather right in front of him and taken a bullet for him. He hadn't known it was Alex's godfather at the time, but when he found out he was sure Alex would never forgive him. Alex had been a little mad, but not for the reasons Ben had imagined. Apparently, Ash had murdered Alex's parents and Alex had wanted to kill him himself.

Then, of course, there was their first mission as an official team.

**I know what runs through your blood  
You do this all in vain  
Because of you my mind is always racing  
And it gets under my skin  
To see you giving in  
And now your trip begins but  
It's all over for  
It's all over for  
**

_Bang!_

_ "Alex!"Ben cried, turning just in time to catch his partner as he stumbled, a red stain blossoming across his stomach._

_ "Ben get out of here, leave me!"Alex insisted, trying to push him away. _

_ "No! I am not leaving you, damn it!"Ben yelled, hoisting the weakening boy onto his back and beginning to run once more._

_ "I'm just slowing you down! Leave me! Get out while you still can!"Alex gasped out._

_ "Shut up, Al! I am not leaving you! End of discussion!"Ben snapped._

_ "Ben…"Alex wheezed as he began coughing up blood._

_ "Hold on, Alex! Just hold on! It's only another kilometer! Hang on!"Ben called encouragement to his dying partner._

_ "Leave…me…"Alex choked out, blood staining his pale lips._

_ "Damn it, Rider! Don't you dare die on me! Jones will have my head if I lose you!"Ben growled._

Alex had barely made it out alive that time. Ben had come so close to failing him. He had been in the hospital for three weeks after that incident. Yet, after all that, Alex had still trusted him. Hell, he seemed to trust him more after that.

Ben went to take another swig from the bottle, but realized that it was empty. Cursing, he decided he needed something stronger. He lurched to his feet and stumbled into the kitchen. He dug through the kitchen cupboards, coming up with an unopened bottle of vodka. It had been a gift from Wolf for his birthday. He usually didn't drink this strong of liquor, but if there was any time to start it was now. The drunken spy stumbled his way back to the couch, bottle in hand.

**You  
For you  
When you're on the edge and falling off  
It's all over for you  
For you  
When you're on the edge and falling off  
It's all over  
**

He remembered when Alex had showed up on his doorstep after one of his solo missions.

_"Hey Ben," Alex smiled weakly._

_ "Alex, what happened to you?" Ben demanded, taking in the sight of his arm in a sling and all the cuts and bruises. _

_ Alex laughed sheepishly, though his laugh trailed off painfully._

_ "I kinda pissed off a few Russian mobsters. You know, the usual."_

_ "Shouldn't you be in the hospital?"Ben asked, concerned. _

_ Alex shook his head stiffly._

_ "Nah, they said I could go home as long as I take it easy for a couple of weeks. The problem is, well, Jack. I just…I know it really hurts her to see me like this, so I was wondering if I could crash here for a week or two until the worst of it heals, if that's okay," he asked tentatively._

_ "Um, yeah, sure, of course. Come in," Ben said, opening the door wider._

That had been the beginning of their arrangement. Whenever the injuries were too bad, Alex would stay with Ben until the worst of them were healed.

On that particular occasion, Ben had discovered Alex's nightmares for the first time. After being woken up by Alex's screams in the middle of the night, Ben had awkwardly tried to shake him awake, only to get punched for his troubles. It had taken several more nights of Alex suffering on his own before Ben had plucked up the courage to try again.

When he thought of those first few nights when he had let Alex suffer alone, he couldn't help but feel a sense of failure. He had failed his partner when he had needed him. Yet, for some reason, Alex never held it against him.

Ben took another swig of vodka, only to find the bottle mysteriously half empty already.

**And now you're dead inside  
Still you wonder why  
It's all over  
And now you're dead inside  
Still you wonder why  
It's all over  
**

Ben looked down at the partially empty vodka bottle in his hand. He was amazed at how good this stuff tasted. Last time he had tasted it, it had tasted nasty. Then again, he had been sober last time. That could make a difference. He took another swig as the room tilted around him.

He sprawled back across the couch and stared up at the ceiling, letting the bottle dangle loosely from his hand.

He had failed his partner so many times. Over and over again he had let him down. So many broken promises hung between them. How had Alex ever forgiven him? How had Alex ever trusted him?

He remembered his promise to Alex all those years ago.

"_I'll always be here, you know that."_

But that too was a lie. Ben hadn't been there for him when Alex had needed him most. Ben hadn't believed in him and that disbelief had cost Alex his life.

He had made a promise to Jack.

"_Everything's going to be alright."_

That was a lie too. Everything wasn't going to be alright. Alex was dead, murdered by their own government right in front of Ben. With Alex gone, there was no one to protect Jack from Alex's old enemies but Ben and he didn't know if he could do because, after all, he failed everyone he ever cared about.

Ben raised the bottle to his lips again, taking another swallow of the fiery liquid. He just wanted to forget everything. He felt the last few drops of liquor pass his lips. Ben held up the bottle and stared at it for a moment before letting it drop to the floor as he slid into unconsciousness.

**And now you're dead inside  
Still you wonder why  
When you're on the edge and falling off  
It's all over for (You, for you)  
And now you're dead inside  
Still you wonder why  
**

When Ben finally regained consciousness, it was eight thirty in the evening and he had a splitting headache. A glass of water, two Advil, and two incidents of tripping over discarded liquor bottles later he finally remember what exactly put him in such a horrendous state. Ah, the vodka, nasty stuff. He swore never to drink vodka ever again.

Looking at the clock, he realized that Jake's twelve hour deadline was fast approaching and if he didn't leave now he would never make it to the shop in time. Ben reluctantly downed another Advil, grabbed his jacket and keys, tucked his gun into his waste band, and hurried out the door.

Nearly an hour later found him stepping stiffly out of a cab in front of Jake's Computer Store. He paid the cab driver and entered the store, a concealed bell above the door announcing his arrival.

Jake looked up from where he was working at the counter, looking slightly panicked when he saw who it was.

"Well," Ben asked gruffly. "Do you have it?"

Jake gulped as he brought the drive out onto the counter.

"Look man, I tried everything, I really did. But whoever you got this from, man, they're super high tech. I couldn't even penetrate the first firewall," Jake said nervously. "I did everything I could, I swear, but, whatever you're into man, my advice is to leave it be. Whoever encrypted this has got to be way out of your league…"

Ben cut him off with a growl as he snatched the drive off the counter. He suddenly lunged at Jake and grabbed him by the collar, pulling him half over the counter.

"I was never here, understand?" Ben snarled.

Jake nodded vigorously, too frightened to speak.

"Speak a word about what has happened and I will find out and I will kill you," Ben promised.

Jake gulped, nodding shakily. Ben dropped him and turned and stalked out of store, leaving the door slam behind him and a very shaken Jake draped over the counter.

**When you're on the edge and falling off  
It's all over for (You, for you)  
And now you're dead inside  
Still you wonder why**

As Ben entered his apartment he allowed the door to slam behind him. The weary spy leaned back against the door and allowed himself to slid down into a sitting position. He had failed again. Alex had trusted him to find the truth hidden on the drive, the truth that he had died for, and he had failed. What was he supposed to do now? After all this, how was he supposed to find the truth?

**It's all over**

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

**A/N: So, one of the best hackers in the city can't crack the drive. Any predictions as to how Ben might get it unencrypted?**

**Also, I know this may have been a little out of character for Ben, but he is guilt ridden and grieving and his entire world has been turned upside down. It is impossible to know what a person would do under these circumstances.**

**NEXT IN THE 'T IS FOR TREASON' ARC: Jones begins to get suspicious and an old friend makes an unexpected offer.**


	15. Hope 4th in 'T is for Treason' Arc

**Title: ****Hope**** (****4th**** in 'T is for Treason' Arc)**

**Author: Glissoning Raven**

**Song: Lonely Ghosts**

**Artist: O + S**

**Genre: Hurt/Comfort/Angst**

**Rating: T**

**Note: Sequel to 'Haunted' ****and forth in the 'T is for Treason' arc, which is an arc centered around Fox****. ****The **_italics_** are the flashbacks. No slash, only friendship. I apologize if my wording is too American. If you see something that needs corrected, please feel free to do so. I won't be offended. Until further notice Ben will be referred to as Fox (except in any flashbacks not involving K unit) to avoid confusion. Remember, the more you review the more motivated I am to update!  
**

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Fox stood with his duffle slung over his shoulder, gazing at the hut before him. It had been five years since he's last seen this place and he really had no desire to come back here, but he just couldn't bring himself to stay with MI6. They had murdered his partner and destroyed his world. He just couldn't bring himself to keep smiling pleasantly back at them like nothing was wrong, like nothing had changed because everything had changed and everything was wrong. He remembered approaching Mrs. Jones with his transfer request the day after the incident with Jake.

_"Agent Daniels," Jones said coolly. "What can I do for you?"_

_ Ben handed her a folder._

_ "I'm putting in for a transfer back to the SAS," he said, barely succeeding in keeping his voice neutral._

_ Jones slowly took the folder and opened it, scanning its contents._

_ "Agent Daniels, are sure about this? You are one of our top agents," she neglected to mention the fact that he was the top agent now that Alex was gone. "I'm sure we can find you a new partner."_

_ "I'm sorry, ma'am, but this job just isn't for me. I feel I am better suited to the SAS," Ben said stiffly._

_ Jones eyed him for a moment before relenting._

_ "Very well, if that is how you feel, I will see that it is done," she said._

_ "Thank you, ma'am," Ben said, turning to leave._

Had there been a trace of suspicion in her eyes that day? Did she have some inkling as to what had gone down between him and Alex that day in the warehouse? Or was he just being paranoid?

He decided he was just being paranoid. All that time spent around spies was beginning to get to him. He shook his head as he stepped forward to enter the hut. There was no way she could know, could she?

**The devil that you know  
Is better  
Than the one you don't  
And so it goes  
**

Fox slowly pushed the door to the hut open. He just wanted to get this over with. He was met with the achingly familiar sight of his old unit sprawled out across their bunks. Snake was reading a novel, Eagle was listening to music, and Wolf was writing a report.

All three unit members looked up to see who had disturbed them. It took them a moment to recognize him. Apparently he had changed more than he thought. Then again, the spy world did that to people. It sucked you in, tore you apart, and then rebuilt you the way it saw fit.

"Foxy!" Eagle squealed in a very unmanly manner, throwing aside his ipod and launching himself at his newly returned teammate.

Fox's spy instincts kicked into high gear, allowing him to dive out of the way just in time to send Eagle sailing out the door. The unfortunate soldier did a face plant in the mud right outside the front door. Snake snickered openly, Wolf grunted, and Fox…his eyes briefly twinkled with amusement, but the expression quickly disappeared leaving nothing behind but a blank mask.

"Fox," Wolf greeted, getting up to give the spy a backslapping handshake.

Fox gave him a handshake and a nod, but said nothing. Snake uncurled himself from his bunk to do the same. Once again, the soldier got only silence in place of a verbal greeting.

After silently greeting his unit mates, Fox made his way back to the only empty bunk at the back of the cabin. He dumped his pack at the foot of the bed just as a mud covered Eagle came staggering in the door.

"Foxy," Eagle whined. "You're so mean."

Fox simply looked at him. Alex may have been able to detect the faint hint of amusement in the man's eyes, but his old unit was used to him being open with his emotions. They weren't used to having to search for the subtle signs behind the mask that Fox had built. In the spy world, masks were a necessity. One wrong move, one out of character emotion could get you killed. In a soldier's world keeping control of your emotions mattered, but hiding them completely was not a matter of life or death because if the enemy got close enough to see any emotions on your face than you were probably dead anyway.

"Cut it out, Eagle!" Wolf barked.

Eagle muttered and moaned under his breath as he shivered his way over to his bunk to try and find a clean, dry uniform and something to wipe his face off with, but he didn't make any more intelligible comments.

**Like lonely ghosts  
At a roadside cross  
We stay because  
We don't know where else to go  
**

Every member of K unit seemed to pick up that something was off with their old friend. He was more withdrawn and sullen than he had been before he left the SAS for MI6. His eyes had a hollow, haunted look to them and he was unnaturally quiet.

Snake, as the resident medic, quickly began to fear that his friend might be suffering from some form of PTSD. He had seen much the same look in soldiers returning from heavy battle zones.

Wolf, on the other hand, studied Fox intently. He had been told an agent was transferring from MI6 to SAS and would be replacing Tiger in their unit, but he hadn't known it was Fox. He had also heard rumors that the reason the agent was transferring out of MI6 is because his partner had been exposed as a traitor. Even Wolf realized that he would have to tread lightly until he found out which rumors were true. All he knew for certain was that whatever had happened to his friend had affected him deeply.

Eagle, once he got over the latest assault to his dignity, started peppering Fox with questions about how he'd been, did he have a girlfriend, and so on. Fox gave short one or two word answers, generally involving some form of yes or no. It was when Eagle made the mistake of asking about Fox's work with MI6 that the man completely shut down. His expression froze and his eyes hardened. There was a tense moment of silence before he got up and stormed out of the hut, leaving his three teammates sitting on their bunks staring at each other.

The silence seemed to stretch on for hours, though it was only a few minutes. Finally, Wolf exploded.

"What the hell did you do that for?" he roared.

Eagle cringed.

"What?" he asked, confused. "What did I do?"

Snake sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"Eagle," the man explained gently. "You know that the rumors about why Fox left MI6 aren't pleasant."

Eagle looked at his teammate blankly until Snake sighed again.

"I think mentioning MI6 for him, is like mentioning…certain things for us," the medic said softly.

Everyone flinched. They all knew he was referring to Tiger. Tiger was a sore subject for everyone in K Unit. The soldier had been Fox's replacement when Fox had left the first time. Tiger had been killed in action just over two months ago. The men were still grieving Tiger's death, but all in their own way. Eagle was extra hyper, Wolf was extra moody, and Snake, as usual, was left to play peacemaker and try to prevent excessive bloodshed. But none of them dared mention the soldier that they all grieved for. It brought back too many bad memories.

"Oh," Eagle said, finally understanding and feeling bad for his thoughtlessness.

Despite their grief, all three soldiers were glad to have Fox back. The problem was, Fox apparently came with a whole set of his own issues and they didn't quite know how to handle him anymore. This wasn't the same happy, easygoing man who had left them five years ago. This was a hardened spy who had seen, and probably done, countless acts that would make even seasoned SAS men wake up sweating a night.

**The places, our old haunts  
They miss us when we're gone  
We can never move on  
**

After storming out of the hut, Fox found himself wandering aimlessly through the camp. For some reason his footsteps lead him to the edge of the lake. He ended up sitting on the bank staring out across the water.

The now ex spy's thoughts inevitably turned towards Alex. The boy had been his partner, his surrogate son, and even his best friend. Alex had trusted him but Fox had let him down. Even in his death, Alex had entrusted him with his biggest secret, his legacy, and Fox had failed him.

Fox was snapped out of his thoughts by the sound of footsteps approaching. He tensed for a moment, but relaxed when he recognized them.

"They send you to find me, Snake?" Fox asked, without turning around, when the man was only a few steps away.

There was a muttered curse from the soldier behind him.

"How do you do that?" the man demanded.

"Practice," Fox smirked.

Snake sat down beside his friend. Fox still didn't look at him, staring out over the lake instead. It was Snake who finally broke the silence.

"I'm sorry about Eagle. He doesn't think before he speaks. You know how he is," the soldier said awkwardly.

"Yeah, I know," Fox said, after a pause he continued. "I'm sorry about my reaction, it's just…"

The man trailed off, still avoiding his friend's gaze.

"It's been hard," Snake finished for him.

"Yeah," Fox said. "It's been hard."

"You blame them for what happened," Snake said.

It wasn't a question. Fox tensed.

"How much do you know?" he asked quietly.

"Only rumors," Snake assured him. "We heard that a MI6 agent was getting transferred to the SAS because his partner had been exposed as a traitor."

Fox visibly flinched.

"It isn't true," Fox snapped.

They were silent a moment.

"So what happened?" Snake asked.

"They sent you out to interrogate me didn't they?" Fox snapped, facing Snake for the first time and pinning him with a heated glare.

Snake held his hands up in surrender.

"Fox, we're concerned about you, alright. You're one of us and we take care of our own," Snake said, trying to calm his friend down.

Fox turned away, returning his gaze to the lake.

"I don't need anyone to take care of me," he snapped.

The ex spy rose to his feet and stalked off, leaving his concerned friend sitting alone on the lake shore.

**So Like lonely ghosts  
At a roadside cross  
We stay  
**

The rest of his unit left him alone after the incident at the lake with Snake. Fox had no doubt that the soldier had told them everything. He knew that they cared and just wanted to help, but after everything that had happened, he didn't think he could find it in himself to trust anymore. Another thing that the incident with Alex had taught him was that getting close to some hurts because eventually they all leave you, especially in their line of work. He just didn't think he could put himself in a position to be hurt like that again. It was better for everyone if he just distanced himself.

The next day marked the beginning of their refresher course. They settled into the grueling schedule. Everything came back to Fox with surprising ease. He excelled like he never had the last time he had been here. He even set a new record on the obstacle course and in the shooting range. But none of this mattered to the former agent. He knew that if Alex had been here he could have done better.

After completing their first day of training, Fox made his way out to the edge of the lake. This was quickly becoming his private spot to come whenever he needed to be alone and think.

As he sat down on the bank, he reached down and pulled a small worn photo out of his boot. He kept it with him at all times as a reminder. His heart constricted at the sight. It was a photo of Alex and him on a beach in Costa Rica. They had finished a mission early and decided to take a few days holiday. This moment captured on camera had been one of the few times he had seen Alex truly smile. They had there arms slung around each other and Alex had a margarita in one hand as Fox held the camera up to take a picture. He remembered the sound of the teenager's laughter ringing out across the beach.

Fox couldn't help but smile slightly at the memory. It had been a few days of blissful happiness before they had been called back by MI6.

Fox's grip tightened on the photo. Tears pricked at his eyes but he swore that he would not cry. He stared out across the lake, lost in the memories of the boy he had failed to save.

"I'm sorry, Alex," he whispered. "I'm sorry I failed you."

The ex spy was so caught up in his grief that he never noticed his teammate lurking in the trees behind him. Wolf could tell that his friend was in pain and he wanted to comfort him but he didn't know how and he knew it wouldn't be appreciated. All he could do was watch as the man who had once been like a brother to him sat on the lake shore clutching some kind of photograph and trying not to cry. He could tell that his friend was breaking. He just wished the man would let someone help him.

**The devil that you know  
Is better than  
The one you don't  
**

Several hundred miles away Tulip Jones sat in her office sucking a peppermint as a grisly scene played across the computer screen in front of her over and over again. The viewpoint was from outside a warehouse. The camera was facing a window through which she could see the form of the former MI6 Agent Ben Daniels. The man had his gun up and was arguing with someone. The head of MI6 didn't need to see the face of the other man to know who it was. Just thinking of him brought on a pang of regret that she quickly shoved down.

After several moments, Agent Daniels' gun lowered slightly. He continued talking. Suddenly, a blond man stepped forward out of the shadows. He was holding out a hand. Tulip couldn't see what he was holding, but she already knew. She tensed before the shot even shattered the window, killing the blond man on the spot. She saw Agent Daniels' jump in surprise, his eyes flicking towards the sniper then down to the body that now lay out of sight at his feet. The man reached down and did something before quickly exiting the room.

The Agent could have been simply closing the blond man's eyes. His actions could have been completely innocent. But Tulip Jones hadn't gotten the job of head of MI6 for nothing. In her heart, she knew what the man had really done, even if she didn't want to believe it. When the other agents had gotten there, there had been no sign of the flash drive that Rider was supposed to have. Daniels was the only one who could have taken it.

The dark haired woman paused the footage and leaned back in her chair with a sigh. It had pained her to order the execution of her top agent. She really did not want to execute his partner too. But she would do what she had to do. So many lives could be destroyed by what was on that drive. If he managed to crack the encryption…she shuddered to think of the consequences.

As she stared at the screen before her, frozen in the moment where the glass shattered from the sniper shot, she realized that Alex might get his way after all. This would be his last act of defiance. Even in death, he would bring down those who had used him for so long.

Tulip decided that she would have Daniels' house searched before she made any decisions as to what to do with him.

**Like lonely ghosts  
At a roadside cross  
We stay because  
We don't know where else to go  
**

On the way back from dinner a week after his arrival, Fox had to stop by the sergeant's office to pick up a package that had been delivered to him. He briefly wondered who could have sent it. Rather than open the package in the cabin with his teammates, he decided to go somewhere more private. The former spy chose the duck behind the mess hall before proceeding to gingerly open the package, checking for booby traps along the way. There were no traps or tricks that he found, only a simple brown box. When he opened the box, he found a phone and a note. Slowly unfolding the note, he began reading.

_Greetings Old Chap,_

_ I hope this finds you well in your new career. This was a package meant for a mutual friend of ours, but due to his __**u**__ntimely death I have decided that you are mostly likely going to need it. __**K**__nowing our friend, he probably gave you a gift before he died. You will need this package to decode it (I would know, I __**e**__ncoded it in the first place). This package is not __**w**__hat it appears to be. It is a mini computer programmed with one function, though the package also performs its original function. My contact information is programmed inside it. I can't really go into detail, but I think you'll be __**a**__ble to figure it out. Just put the two together and suddenly you have the wea__**p**__on you need. Good luck and God speed. Oh, and don't worry, they don't know about it. This is just between us._

_An Old Friend_

Fox reread the note several times, a slow smile spreading across his face. So apparently Alex had had help and from within MI6 itself. No wonder he had been able to pull it off. There was only one person he knew of that called him 'old chap'; Smithers. It felt good knowing that he had the quirky gadget maker on his side. At least he wasn't completely alone. There was still hope.

**We stay because  
We don't know where else to go**

As Fox turned to walk back to K unit's hut, he never noticed the flash of blond in the reflection of the mess hall window behind him.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

**A/N: Anyone have a theory yet as to what exactly is going on? I will tell you now, assume nothing. The blond in the window does not mean exactly what you think it means, though it is one of three clues in this chapter. ****If you find the other two please DON'T POST THEM ALL OVER THE REVIEWS! If you want conformation that you have the right clues then you can PM me, but I don't want anyone giving them away for everyone else!**** I will give you a hint, the biggest clue is a puzzle. A virtual cookie to anyone who figures out the puzzle without help. DO NOT TELL EACH OTHER THE ANSWER!**

**Congratulations to Bookdancer and It'sFun2BCrazy for guessing correctly as to who would help Fox crack the drive! And here are the virtual cookies I promised for all those people who voted and helped me decide the direction of this chapter. (::)(::)(::)(::) Thanks guys! (Now if only all those people would have bothered to review…*hint, hint*)**

**NEXT IN THE 'T IS FOR TREASON' ARC: Rumors about Ben/Fox fly around the camp as K Unit continues their search for the truth about his past even as they attempt to win back the trust of their former teammate. Meanwhile, Ben begins the process of decrypting the drive.**


End file.
